Tucker & Swiss

Flashbacks.

2011-02-02T17:54:00.000-06:00

I posted this at my new blog, but I don't know how many of you are over there reading and I thought maybe my MilSpouse readers might appreciate this one, so I posted it here too. That is all!

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So today I was paging through an old pre-Christmas issue of People (one of the ones with Michael Douglas on the cover) while waiting for my chicken curry lunch to heat up in the microwave. Tucked in the back was an article about young widows. While not immediately apparent, it was actually an article about young military widows… how they found out their husbands were killed, how they have bonded over shared experiences, how they have overcome and honored their husband’s memories, etc. I casually flipped through the article and looked at the photographs. It was an article I should have been compelled to read, but I found myself intentionally NOT reading it. Like I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. And then I started to feel it. That twisting, churning, sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. The rush of panic and fear creeping up your spine and worming its way into your consciousness.

You all know what I mean, right?

That is when I realized that I COULDN’T read it. It was too close to home. Still. It was like a low-level PTSD moment for a MilSpouse. Even here, in South Dakota, safely retired from the Army, with no looming deployment… it still cut to the quick. I couldn’t bring myself to read their stories. It was like peering into the rabbit hole… I was afraid that if I got too close I would tumble in. All those familiar and terrifying feelings coming back to toy with me and mess with my head.

No thanks.

I think the thing about this "episode" is that I am amazed how strongly it hit me, even with all the miles and paperwork separating us from our former military life. It was like I was there, back in the midst of the deployment (or pre-deployment workup/misery/anticipatory grief period) in one instant. I mean, even the physical response was there. It was instantaneous. And it blew me away. I wasn’t expecting that while passing the time in the lunchroom, you know?

I think maybe it hit me so hard, even now, because the anticipatory grief period leading up to the deployment was nothing short of epic for me. Newly married, facing the questions, uncertainty and fear of a deployment (while I realized this isn’t new or special to MilFolks, it does make for a particularly noxious combination of emotions). Knowing he got shot the last time, knowing he was the kind of soldier that wouldn’t back away from a fight, but run headlong into it. Dealing with my first deployment on top of dealing with the bliss/confusion of being freshly wed. Being absolutely terrified of loosing it all before we got to really enjoy it. Having the fear and worry and depression wrap its arms around me and squeeze so tight that sometimes it was hard to breathe. Literally. Not being able to stop crying. Not being able to just STOP imagining the black sedan in front of the house, the knock on the door, the Class A’s standing in front of me. I couldn’t stop living out my worst fears in my head. Not being able to think about the deployment, the war, the Army, my husband it without launching into a mostly silent and internal meltdown. (If you can’t tell, I didn’t talk to many folks about this while I was going through it. Actually, I don’t know that I talked to anyone about it like I just have, here on this blog. Huh. But strangely, the pre-deployment portion of the program was worse than the actual deployment in a lot of ways. Sounds like a blog post for another time, no?)

Anyway, maybe the point is that your biggest fear and/or those life-altering experiences, whatever they may be, stay with you. You don’t really get over those things, not entirely. They linger in the back of your mind and rush forward to elicit the same responses as they did years ago whenever the triggers arise*. Even if the trigger is an article in People magazine. I think this is especially true when it is a fear that you have to confront so regularly and earnestly, like we MilSpouses do. And maybe part of it is that loosing your spouse prematurely is the sort of fear that, once out of the military, isn’t necessarily moot. It is a possibility that we have confronted time and time again, a possibility that really isn’t that unlikely when you are sending your husband off to war. Maybe that is why it stays with me. Then again, maybe it is just because dealing with a deployment was something that rather profoundly affected every part of me, it shaped me in more ways than I can count and who I am now is in large part to the (nearly) 2 years that surrounded it. Perhaps confronting it so early in life, when most couples are more worried about mortgages and daycare, makes the effects even more lasting. I’m not sure.

I just know that just because the retirement papers are signed doesn’t mean the feelings go away. It is now clear as day to me that our stint in the Army will have an indelible mark on both of us, in different ways for sure, but the mark of the Army will always be there. Always.

*Sounds a lot like PTSD, right? But don’t be mistake my point; I’m not equating my MilSpouse drama with that of combat troops. Apples and oranges for sure.

2011 and Changes.

2010-12-31T19:58:00.000-06:00

Okay dear readers… I know things have been quiet around here for a while. I’ll confess that there are a few reasons why. First, Holy Hannah this new work schedule is kicking my butt. Not cool. Second, it has been hard for me to transition to this non-Army life of ours here on my MilSpouse based blog. I sort of feel like I can’t teach this old blog new tricks. And even though I thought it wouldn’t go down this way, since we got out of the Army, we really are disconnected from what is going on out there in the military ranks. I keep up with what y’all write and try to stay abreast of the issues out there, but it is a lot harder when you aren’t living it.

In short, what I’m trying to say is that it is time for Tucker and Swiss (the blog) to retire. I’m not going to delete it. I’m not going to vow to never write here again. But I’m not going to use this venue (primarily) for my blogging anymore. I guess I don’t want to dilute the MilSpousey goodness with the non-sensical drivel that is surely going to be the basis of my blogging from here on out.

BUT. I want to do a few things. First, I want to say THANK YOU to all of you, for following me and joining us on this crazy Army journey. Thank you for your kind words and support, for your humor and your kinship. You all are amazing and have made the struggles this Army life brought us much easier to handle. You’ve been my therapists, my counselors and my support system. And for that I will be eternally grateful. Second, I want to invite you all to the new blog. I can’t promise anything fancy or even good, but you can check out my new blog here: Tucker, Actually. Third, I want to wish you all a very wonderful New Year. Here is to a MUCH less eventful 2011 and a frank good riddance to 2010.

Thank you again for all your support and I hope to see you over at the new blog!

XOXO- Tucker (and Swiss and Fletcher)

Merry Christmas...

2010-12-25T08:22:00.000-06:00

Can it be that I haven't blogged since December 11th? For shame! But alas, I break the non-blogging cycle to wish you all a VERY Merry Christmas. I know you don't all get to be with your loved ones, and those of you who can are beyond grateful (as I am). So here is wishing safe and quick returns home for those who have loved ones deployed and a memorable and grateful Christmas to those of us who have ours home.

Merry Christmas everyone!
xoxox
Tucker, Swiss and Fletcher

Putting the Super in Supervisor?

2010-12-11T09:12:00.000-06:00

Well, things here have finally started to normalize. We have come to terms with Fletcher's situation and are a week into Chemotherapy... we met our new Vet today and Fletch is still happy as a clam and more active than a toddler on speed. Life is pretty good here in South Dakota.

BUT.

Remember how I said this position was just supposed to be a "Lead"? Ha! After day 2 of working there, they kindly mentioned that I was now, in fact, the supervisor. Wha??? What makes this funny is that I applied for numerous jobs that turned out to be supervisory in nature and I turned them ALL down. Why? Because, as I told Swiss, I have ZERO interest in being a supervisor and all that entails. ZERO. And yet, here I sit, supervisor of a lab. How in the heck did that happen? I claim false advertising!

So far it is fine. (Knock on wood please!) The workload is bordering on insane... but that is temporary as we get the new portion of the lab up and running. But the folks are all super nice and I get the sense that they sort of feel bad for me. I won't balk at pity... not this time. The worst part is that there was no supervisor before me, therefore there is no one to show me the ropes. Which is making this job training more akin to being dropped off in the middle of the Pacific and told to swim to Hawai'i with no map, no compass, no water wings. Bah!

Anyway, today (Saturday) we have the company Christmas party... I am dragging Swiss along to meet folks who's names I don't quite remember yet. Should be a memorable evening. But until then? UNPACKING! Lots and lots of unpacking... 'cause there's nothing like company coming to get your unpacking ass in gear!

Have a swell weekend everyone!

No words.

2010-12-01T17:35:00.000-06:00

There are no words to explain how I feel right now. Sometimes emotions are too deep and complex and raw to put into mere words... this is where I find myself right now. The long and short of it is that dear, sweet Fletcher's situation is worse than any of us expected. The option for surgery became moot once we understood that we wouldn't be able to give him the radiation treatment they recommended and that even doing such drastic surgery and treatment wasn't going to guarantee us all that much extra time with him. It became obvious that doing all this to him was ultimately going to be a selfish choice. So, we are leaving our adorable boy alone to live out whatever time he has left with us. No radical surgery, only palliative low-dose chemotherapy and NSAID treatments.

Right now we have a bouncy, exuberant, happy puppy on our hands and I fear that doing all these extensive measures would have taken that away from him and us. So we chose to leave him be his boisterous and loving self until the time comes.

I know we made the right decision, after hours of talking it out with the oncologist and surgeon at the UW Vet center, it became so obvious that this was really the only fair choice to Fletcher. I haven't come to terms with the fact that we may only have a handful of months left with him... whatever time it ends up being will be too little. But we have come to terms with what we need to do: love him up at every chance, spoil him rotten, and ensure his quality of life is second to none. We have a lot of years of love to cram into not much time, so we aren't hesitating with the spoiling. Not one bit.

Of course we are still holding out and hoping for a small miracle, but I think we understand that knowing our time is limited, having this time with him, being able to make the most of this time is a gift in a way. So keep sending our little guy your prayers and well wishes, we can certainly still use it. And thank you for standing by us and all your kind words.

xoxo,
Tucker, Swiss and Fletcher

Fletcher Update

2010-11-29T16:22:00.000-06:00

So, wow... what a few days this has been. Swiss has left for South Dakota, someone has to be there to accept our household goods so he left this morning to head West. My new boss has been nothing shy of wonderful, they have let me postpone my start date until next week so that I can be with Fletch for his surgeries and take him home with me.

We still don't know much more about his diagnosis. Nothing has changed from what we last learned. Right now we are scheduled for an oncology appointment tomorrow and that will dictate surgery dates and give us an idea of what to expect. I know our little guy won't ever look the same, but I know he will bounce back and he'll still be the handsomest little stinker in my eyes. I think Swiss and I are coming to terms with the fact that we won't have Fletcher for nearly as long as we had hoped... it is still a shock to the system and it still breaks my heart, but we have already started spoiling him rotten and ensuring that whatever time he has with us will be full of love and pampering and frolics in the woods... and plenty of treats. I think we figure if we only have a limited time with him, we are going to have to cram in a lifetime of love in the coming months and years.

Our current dilemma is this. Do we stick with the local surgeon that seems competent (if a bit young) or hit the road and have the surgery done up at the University of Wisconsin's highly renowned Vet center? I mean, like my Dad said, do you want to look back a few years from now and wonder what if we had just gone to Madison? Realistically, with the diagnosis given, I don't think either one of them are going to be able to make this thing go away forever... but what if it is the difference between one year with him and two years? What would you do?

In any event, please send more puppy love and wishes Fletcher's way. He definitely still needs it and says thanks for all the kind thoughts and prayers you've already been lobbing his way. I'll keep y'all posted when we know more (hopefully tomorrow).

Heartbroken.

2010-11-24T20:43:00.000-06:00

So, I'll cut to the quick. My sweet boy Fletcher has cancer, it is aggressive and the prognosis, even after surgery, isn't good. It is rare in a dog so young... and I am kicking myself for not doing more earlier, but how was I to know? We thought is was just a goose egg. No one thought it was cancer. No one. I never saw this one coming, and it knocked the wind right out of me. So please pardon me if I cry as I type this.

We do have some options, the most reasonable one involves drastic surgery to cut away all of the tumor and the surrounding areas that likely house other tendrils of tumor. Since it is on his face, it means that he will never look the same. They might even have to remove his eye. But they say dogs don't care how they look, and I know our savvy little guy will adapt well. But still, this has been devastating news.

I am heartbroken. Swiss had to choke back tears as we turned around on the interstate to head back home with the news. My Mom and Dad are just as upset. I am so very very sad. It is just beyond unfair and so sad and a thousand kinds of not right. He doesn't deserve this. He's been nothing but snuggly and sweet and loving and funny and a kind, sweet soul. He's what got me through so many lonely days and nights during the deployment, his constantly wagging tail has always been there to greet us. His antics were always good for a smile and a laugh. He's been so good at overcoming all of the issues his previous horrible owners gave him. He's come leaps and bounds (both literally and figuratively) since we got him, he's turned into such a lovable and wonderful pet. He is such a sweet, affectionate and funny boy and to have this happen to him while he's still so young is unthinkable.

I am alternately angry and crushed. I am angry that this had to happen to him, after having abusive owners who made him afraid of whistles and any loud noises, owners who penned him up in a kennel with no padding leading to a broken toe, owners who somehow couldn't take care of this sweet soul and left him in a kill shelter with a broken tail and a missing tooth. He's been through enough. This is too much. He doesn't deserve this, not by a country mile. I am so upset that his sweet life may be cut drastically short. And I find myself asking the ever-futile question, why? Why did this have to happen to him? Why do affectionate and loving pets get things like cancer, what kind of world is that? Why so young? Why???

I've done nothing but cry since we got the news last night. I feel cheated and sad and devastated. This isn't what you are supposed to be worrying about with a 2 year old dog. He was supposed to grow old and grey with us. Now? We don't know. 1 more year, maybe 2. 4 if we are lucky. And of course I am hoping for the best, but I can't pretend that this isn't as serious as it is. We aren't going to have our sweet boy for nearly as long as we had hoped. And it just isn't fair.

We have chosen to take him up to the University of Wisconsin Veterinary Hospital for surgery (assuming it is possible, blasted Thanksgiving has put a huge wrench in everything) since they have a set of surgeons that specialize in soft tissue and have likely seen this at least a few times before. I'm going to give our boy every last fighting chance I can. And spoil him as rotten as we can.

Please put our little guy in your prayers or whatever and send lots and lots of good ju-ju his way. Lord knows he's going to need it and I can't do it all myself no matter how hard I try.

Lumpy puppy.

2010-11-21T21:41:00.001-06:00

So Fletcher has a lump on his adorable puppy face. How he got it is a ridiculous story, but there was an accidental run in with a metal tree stand, an ensuing lump, and a month later... after antibiotics, anti-inflammatories and numerous Vet visits... it just keeps getting bigger. Insert sad face here.

Thankfully we know it isn't cancer. But it is a tumor that is growing and the poor guy's upper jaw bone is already bending to this tumor's will. Insert second sadder face here. So tomorrow we head off to the specialist surgeon. Our Vet isn't comfortable navigating the complicated network of nerves on his face, lest we end up with a dog with a non-working eyelid or tear ducts, so specialist it is.

We know there will be surgery involved, we don't know how intensive it will be, how complicated it will be, what kind of time line we are on, just that it has to happen or this tumor will destroy his upper jaw bone. Yes, insert third sadder sad face here. We leave for South Dakota after Thanksgiving, but thankfully my parents have offered to take care of everything and babysit/nurse him back if we can't get it all done before I have to report to my new job. God bless my parents. And thank the Lord they are bigger dog people than we are.

So blech, I'm a nervous Nancy and just hope this is a one-time surgery without complications. Wish Fletcher luck and send good thoughts his way, he's such a good little guy and I can't help but feel like he doesn't deserve all this. Hopefully, things will go off with nary a hitch and Fletch will only have a badass looking scar on his face as a souvenir (which I think will work wonders for his mystique as the new dog in town, no?). I'll keep y'all posted and to those of you who already know the deal, thanks for the kind words and thoughts.

UTA: Apparently our little mutt has the mystery ailment for the ages and the surgeons (yes, plural) don't know what the deal is. So after inconclusive dental x-rays, they are just going to pull the tooth in question and hope to find the cause of all of this while they are surgically axing out his pre-molar. If you ask me, I'm not thrilled about them yanking a (apparently) perfectly good tooth, but if it is going to fix our little guy, I guess go ahead. Sigh, nothing is ever easy, is it? I'll keep y'all posted...

HYSTERICAL.

2010-11-19T22:35:00.000-06:00

This. Seriously hysterical. If you have a dog and you have moved... you will understand. And the illustrations? I die. And I'm still laughing.

On (to) Wisconsin!

2010-11-13T08:09:00.000-06:00

So, Swiss, Fletcher and I are bound for Wisconsin today. After two-ish weeks hanging out with his family in the great (and snowy) state of Minnesota, we are off for family bonding on my side of the Mississippi over cheese and beer.

I am already starting to try (emphasis on "try") to get myself mentally prepared for going back to work. Thank the heavens above that my first week back is a short one! It will, however, be awesome to have Swiss at home manning the house and all of the stuff I loathe about moving. Calling the electric company, the cable folks, getting internet, getting our mail set up and working with the Transportation Office to get out stuff ASAP.

But, lets not hitch the horse to the cart just yet. We've got 2-ish weeks of vacation left and I'm going to enjoy it. Because once its over? I'll be joining the ranks of your poor working stiffs (I kid! I kid!), logging in my 40+ a week. Boo his!

So, go enjoy your weekend everyone and know that someone in Wisconsin <3's you!

Stemming the tide of beige.

2010-11-12T07:24:00.000-06:00

So this is our new house. Do we love it? Yes. It is all shiny and new and there are no signs of 30 year old vinyl tiles (unlike our last place) and it sits on 3 acres (Fletcher is going to be so happy he'll pee) with beautiful views of the black hills. However, as everyone who knows me in real life is well aware, I'm not really a beige girl.

To be fair, our couch is beige/cream, as are two antique chairs and a large area rug as well as some curtains. But they are beige because our walls are usually something like Impressionist Blue or Faded Silk or Spiced Plum or Marmalade Glaze or Gertrude or whatever other strange name they give to pretty paint colors (which BTW is totally my dream job, naming paint colors, weird I know). However, when faced with a newly painted beige house, all of our beige stuff sort of makes it feel like we are living inside a milk carton. Blech.

Solution? Swiss and I are off to IKEA today for an impromptu trip to de-blandify our new digs. There will be new curtains, some new lamp shades, a few accent pillows and some frames... maybe some fabric and kitcheny stuff. And you know what? You can color me excited and order me up some Swedish Meatballs pronto! Wish us luck!

The Quiet Side of Being a Soldier’s Other Half.

2010-11-11T16:57:00.000-06:00

By the ever wonderful, incredibly talented (and fellow MilSpouse Alumnus) Lily Burana. She nailed it. Again. Like she always does. Take a minute and read it, it is beautiful and touching and spot on.

The Quiet Side of Being a Soldier's Other Half.

GPOYD.

2010-11-10T15:39:00.001-06:00

Fletcher, originally uploaded by Awesomesauce Studios.

Awww, who is the good reader???

Success!

2010-11-10T13:11:00.000-06:00

Yes, we got ourselves a house. DOUBLE HOORAY! We are a bit out of town and while that means a longer commute for me, it also means a 3 acre yard for us and Fletcher as well as spectacular views of the Black Hills and the solitude that our homes have been lacking for, well, forever.

I will post photos some day once we get moved it, but thanks for all the well wishes and we are thisclose to starting up the next big chapter in our lives. Bring it on!

I might be a commuter pansy.

2010-11-08T14:06:00.000-06:00

So we are in South Dakota now looking for a house to rent. Up to this point, the only ones we really like and would consider renting are all in the surrounding towns. Which means a 20-30 minute commute. And, seriously, I'm all wah-wah-waaaaahhhhhh about it. Because I used to be able to walk to work in 12 minutes. And Swiss used to be able to drive to work in 5.

I realize that some of you dear readers deal with ridiculous traffic that makes what should be a 15 minute commute into something more like 40 minutes. So yeah, don't slap me. Just tell me that this is totally normal and that I shouldn't fret.

And that a 3-6 acre yard is worth it.

House hunting.

2010-11-06T22:00:00.000-05:00

Well, tomorrow we are off to find us a house to rent. I'm annoyed by how hard this has been so far (can we say spoiled by being near a military installation?). Our options are SUPER limited and I desperately want a place with a decent yard for poor Fletcher who has been relegated to postage stamp yards for far too long. In any event, wish us luck!

Have a stellar week everyone!

Fort Hood.

2010-11-05T10:30:00.000-05:00

I'd be a bit remiss if I didn't talk about the 1 year anniversary of the shootings at Fort Hood. Upfront, I should tell you that neither Swiss nor I were there that day, though Fort Hood was our duty station at the time. Swiss was on his way back to Iraq after R&R and I was still in Minnesota. But, none of that matters.

Fort Hood was home for us. It was a place we felt safe and more than anywhere else I've been, we felt like a part of a community. No one ever thinks something like that will happen at their home, happen to people they know. But it did. It was senseless, horrific, tragic and beyond comprehension. And the flowers, ribbons and notes in the fences around that building served as reminders every single day of those who lost their lives, those who were deeply affected by it, and those who did all they could to help the victims around them.

I don't have anything more poignant to say, just that today you should take a minute to remember those families, remember those who were lost so senselessly, and thank those who risked everything to end the events of that horrific day.

Michael G. Cahill
MAJ Libardo E. Caraveo
SSGT Justin M. DeCrow
CPT John P. Gaffaney
SPC Frederick Greene
SPC Jason D. Hunt
SSGT Amy S. Kreuger
PFC Aaron T. Nemelka
PFC Michael S. Pearson
CPT Russell G. Seager
PFC Francheska Velez and her unborn child
LTC Juanita Warman
PFC Kham S. Xiong

Bwahaha!

2010-11-04T19:54:00.000-05:00

From here on out I'm referring to my period as Shark Week.

via Pinterest

Informal Poll Please.

2010-11-03T21:34:00.000-05:00

This one is for you MilFolk types. When it comes to reading other MilFolk blogs do you prefer:

A) the Everything is Grand and Deployments Don't Really Suck and I Also Poop Rainbows and Fart Fairy Dust in the Face of Any & All Military Diversity! types
or
B) the Let's Get Real, This Shit Sucks Sometimes and I Might Need Heavy Sedation if I Go On Much Longer Thinking I'm Abnormal and/or a Failure For Thinking it Sucks type?

Word.

2010-11-03T10:07:00.000-05:00

via Pinterest (again).

Hmph. Chopped liver you say?

2010-11-02T10:44:00.000-05:00

So my new job doesn't start until early December. BUT, my boss and the HR department were planning on hiring another one of me, only fresh out of school, so younger, less experienced, etc, thus making me the Lead/Senior/quasi-supervisor. Thankfully they included me in the process (as best as they could via phone and e-mail updates) since I'd be working with them closest. We narrowed it down to two... one excessively shy but incredibly technically proficient guy and one exceedingly friendly and of average technical skill girl. After much consternation (and consultation with references) we chose the guy. Only time will tell if this was a cataclysmic mistake or utter genius.

But, I kid you not, I lost count of how many times they told me how wonderful he is and how incredibly talented he is and how lucky we are to have him.

Hmmph. Naturally(?), now I'm a little butthurt. I mean... what am I? Chopped liver? ... I kid, I kid. Well... sorta.

See, I would be totally lying if I told you I wasn't a little intimidated by this kid and his Harry Potter-esque abilities. I don't want to be the dumb one in charge! That would make me the lab equivalent of Michael Scott from the Office. No one wants to be him! I really just don't want to look like an idiot next to this kid. What if I end up being the weak link in the lab? What if its like he's John Elway and I'm no better than an armchair quarterback with Cheeto crumbs on his shirt?

Now, all that insecurity aside, I do have quite a bit more experience than he does and if the job goes the way I think it will, my skills will be more focused on the quality control side and the legally required stuff. But yeah, I'm worried about working with a prodigy. I bet this is totally what the doctors at Eastman Medical Center felt like working with Doogie Howser, MD (Thanks Wikipedia!).

Anyway, I am sure it will all work out fine. I am sure that, in the end, he will push me to be better. But I can't hide it. The kid makes me nervous. And I'm sort of wishing we hired the other girl just so I could be the Smart One. I know, terrible, right? But what the heck is the point of an anonymous blog if you can't be honest?

Okay, so yes, that is my rant for the day. Go Vote and keep an eye on South Dakota. It might be legal to buy pot there after today, but no, you can't crash on our couch and eat all our junk food if you are stoned. Just so you know.

A pioneering family.

2010-11-01T15:36:00.001-05:00

This is what happens when your husband gets a one-man crosscut saw for his birthday and you stick him in the woods for a few weeks. Family lumber jacking.

But I must confess: It is a ridiculous amount of fun (and a good work out to boot!). Ridiculous!

Anyway, this is Swiss and me with Kid A (who is SO tall now! Crazypants!), Fletcher and my MIL and SIL. Bearded and mustachioed to protect their innocence and anonymity. I'm thinking maybe this could be career plan B? HA!

Happy Halloweenie!

2010-10-31T07:31:00.002-05:00

via Pinterest.

Some wisdom for your weekend.

2010-10-29T14:06:00.000-05:00

And just so you know, this is more for me than it is for y'all.

Nooooooooooo!

2010-10-28T08:50:00.000-05:00

It is totally snowing this morning. Not the kind that will stick or accumulate. But still. Snowing. It was 92 degrees when we left Texas. Boo hiss!!!

That is all. Carry on!

Heaven on a plate.

2010-10-27T18:52:00.000-05:00

So we made it back to Minnesota and Swiss' parent's home. We were greeted with hellacious winds, frigid temperatures and dreary weather, but there was a fire in the fireplace and my wonderful MIL made my favorite for dinner.... homemade potato pancakes with homemade applesauce (though Swiss totally went against hundreds of years of gastronomic knowledge and put Velveeta slices on his pancakes instead of applesauce). I mean, seriously, what more could you ask for?

We are glad that the trip is over, we are glad to not be in hotels anymore, and we are happy to have made it back safe and sound. And I won't lie... it is good to be back in the Midwest... it feels like home.

Farewell Fort Hood.

2010-10-26T07:39:00.005-05:00

Hello All. I am Swiss. My lovely wife has given me the privilege of posting my feelings on leaving Fort Hood and the Army; to put it plainly, leaving neither is difficult. There is a lot that can said about getting to a new unit and watching things unfold from the perspective of the new guy along with the sense that you were never really welcome. Looking closely at the last few years, I can see now that my final taste of the Army had to be one of bitterness... or I may have never left. The only thing I truly will miss about the Army will be standing up for other people who can't stand up for themselves.

Hey all, it's me, Tucker again... I can say that leaving here is sort of surreal. Despite never wanting to move to Texas, despite Fort Hood being the lesser of three evils, despite the heat and enormous bugs and snakes... we made this place home. We said goodbye here, we had our homecoming here, we got to be us for the first time here. Now, I won't say that we liked it enough to want to stay here. Far from it. But I think living on an installation makes you feel more at home, like a part of a community, like you belong. That I will miss. I won't miss the scorching summers. Nor will I miss the hoodlum kids that taunt the dog and throw trash in our yard. But I will miss the thumping of Apaches on training missions, falling asleep to artillery rounds, and I will miss the bugle calls. I won't miss the 8 rush hours or the bad drivers. I won't miss the hugeness of this post, nor will I miss the cockroaches. But I will miss being one of us... an active duty spouse, one of the many in our ranks. I will miss being knee deep in the Hooah. Oh yeah, and the sunsets. I'll miss those. Nothing like a big sky Texas sunset...

In any event, being married to the military has been a trip. It has taken me (and us) places we never imagined, it has been the source of incredible highs and crushing lows. And it has led me to all of you, dear readers, for which I am the most grateful. I have grown so much in these few years with the help of your support and wisdom, and thanks to the Army (and the internet) I've meet some of the most amazing women with whom I will always be friends. Thank you for joining us on this journey, thank you for following all of our ups and downs, and I truly hope you all will stick around now that I am officially an Alumnus.

So off we go, leaving this chapter,this place, this life behind. There is a long road ahead of us (literally) and we can't wait to get started. But first, cue up the music... I'll take a little "On the Road Again" action if you please.

Hooah and farewell... for now,

Tucker and Swiss

Like a lizard.

2010-10-25T15:02:00.000-05:00

So, I'm going to let y'all in on a little secret now that our time in the Army is measured in hours. We are stationed in Texas(!?!?). Which means it is still in the 80's here. In fact, this is my favorite time of year here... it is finally cool enough to enjoy the outdoors again and it is the perfect weather for evening walks. We can finally enjoy the spectacular Texas sunsets without risking heat stroke. Amen and hallelujah!

BUT. All this warm weather isn't really doing a good job of easing me into winter. In Minnesota we have September and early October to gradually, slowly, beautifully ease us into those cold, crisp late fall and winter days. I find that just looking at the forecast for Swiss's hometown (highs of mid 40's, lows in the low30's) alone makes me shiver. I think I've turned into one of those thin blooded pansified pseudo-Southerners.

So for the last few days, I have found myself soaking in all the warmth and sun I can out on the hotel balcony. Like a lizard. I am willing myself to store all this sunshine and balmy temperatures for future use. Sadly, I don't think it is going to work. Better get out the long johns and fleeces. Sad face.

Do you think, if I ask really nicely, that the sunshine and warm weather would follow me North when we leave tomorrow???

So true, you don't even know.

2010-10-23T08:48:00.003-05:00

FAIL.

2010-10-22T14:30:00.000-05:00

Thank you Army Hotel Group. For moving us from one hotel to another in the middle of a PCS when the LAST thing I want to do is move all our shit again. Awesomesauce.

Also? Thanks for making me cry for the first time during this process. It shouldn't have been a big deal, but my last nerve seems to have been packed up with the rest of our stuff so, yeah my tolerance level for people's stupidity is now at zero. I blame you.

Weather forecast for Minnesota.

2010-10-21T17:55:00.001-05:00

Thursday: A chance of rain and SNOW SHOWERS. Cloudy and breezy, with a high near 42.

OMG. I DIE. We are going to be there for that. I AM IN FLIP FLOPS RIGHT NOW! FLIP FLOPS!!!! I can't do snow yet!?!?!?! I'M NOT READY.

Seriously. I DIE. Dead. Lit-rall-y. Dead.

Know what I love about the Army?

2010-10-21T06:49:00.000-05:00

Nowhere else do they wake you up for PT in the morning with canon fire. I'm telling you... nothing will kick you ass out of bed like good old canons. BOOM!

Flaky support or old fashioned pandering?

2010-10-19T20:15:00.000-05:00

So, I am fully aware that this next post is going to make me sound kind of country. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But I digress. So the hubs likes to watch hunting shows... I watch them with him because life is just better when we are both tucked into our respective corners of the couch (no other place in this house is as comfy as our couch... it is has been independently tested!). But on to my point.

There are quite a few of these shows that like to showcase military things... wether that be tours of bases/posts or featuring a veteran on a hunt or (disgustingly) gratuitous shots of combat video to make the show seem cooler. I've seen it all. Now, the shows where the veteran (be they wounded or not) gets to go on a free hunt to say Hey! Thanks for what you've done! I have no problem with. I appreciate that someone is recognizing what these (generally speaking) men have done for our country and freedom/democracy of others. These individuals and their stories are prominently featured along with the tale of the hunt. All fine and well in my books. The ones where they just showcase Cool Military Stuff and/or People, not cool. But that should be obvious.

However, I've noticed that not a single one of these shows (other than Ted Nugent's)- regardless of the military content they include- advocates its viewers finding out more about any of the number of veteran's organizations or donate money to said programs. The best they usually get is a passing comment at the very end of the show... no links, no phone numbers, no prominent display of logos and no sliver of time featuring them or the work they do. No one mentions the Wounded Warrior Project. No one really talks about the organizations that often makes these hunts possible, Project Healing Waters, The Armed Forces Foundation and Wounded Warriors Outdoors. Why?

The overwhelming lack of promotion for these organizations makes me wonder if featuring the Armed Forces and our vets (especially the wounded ones) in these shows is really nothing more than old fashioned pandering. It shouldn't be a surprise that most hunters and fishermen are of the conservative persuasion... and heavily support our military (as all folks should, regardless of political persuasion)... so is this just a way to play to your audience? I sure hope not.

But, with all that said, I still can't help but wonder why so many of these shows, with captive and sympathetic audiences, don't take advantage of the opportunity to promote the great work they are doing and get more like-minded supporters.

So long creature comforts of home...

2010-10-19T07:51:00.000-05:00

Well, it's official. As of today, we are no longer residents of our home, but residents of the road. Tonight will be the first night of many that we'll be sleeping in hotels and longing for our couch. There will be lots of driving, lots of mooching off of family and a much anticipated reunion with our stuff some time in December. Until then? We shall be denizens of the road.

Wish us luck!!!

Pinterest.

2010-10-19T07:03:00.001-05:00

So, I think the best thing I've discovered on the internet in my 8-ish months of Stay At Home Wifery is a site called Pinterest. You have to register and wait to be sent your notification that you've been added... but TOTES worth the wait. Okay, let me clarify that... if you are at all visual and like to have collections of magazine clippings and files on your desktop of awesome images you found on the web... Pinterest is totes worth the wait. Otherwise? I'd guess not so much. But it is a great way to collect images if you are planning any home improvement projects or need craft ideas or whatever... I'm a fan.

In any event, this is what the place looks like...

It is essentially an online idea board (or boards, you can make as many as you like)... you can post your own images, images you've found... and you can peek at what everyone else is pinning. Srsly, I can't tell you how many images I already have pinned for our future home (Beth, you are totally smirking now, aren't you?). But anyway, it is super cool and I've found hundreds of amazing things there and I figured why not share it with you, dear, lovely readers.

So, happy Pinning dear readers and I hope it comes in handy for some of you! That's all!

2 years.

2010-10-18T08:19:00.003-05:00

Happy Anniversary Swiss!

These last few years feel like a total blur, in the best possible way, and I still wake up every day thinking that I'm luckier and happier than any girl deserves to be. We've lived 4 places since we've been together and we are on our way to place number 5. In our first few years we've tackled a deployment and an insanely stressful job hunt, we've traveled from one coast to the other, from the top of this country to the bottom and so many places between. We've weathered family storms and reintegration and living 1,000+ miles from everyone we know. And we've laughed nearly every step along the way.

I don't think I'll ever stop being fascinated by the endless ways you combine strange food items, nor the way you can fall asleep anytime and anywhere. I'll always be grateful for your sense of humor and infinite patience. I will always be in awe of your wit and your encyclopedic knowledge of the most random things. And I am so excited to start this next chapter with you.

Sometimes I wish I had known when we first met that you were the One. But then again, our story wouldn't be as entertaining... and I did figure it out pretty soon. I look back on these years together and I can easily say that they've been the best of my life. And I can easily say that I can't imagine life without you in it. You've made me deliriously happy and I feel so blessed that we ungracefully stumbled into each other's lives. Thank you for making marriage seem (relatively) easy and for being such a good tutor in all things Army. In short, you are the best and I love you so damned much!

So, Happy Anniversary to the man I always hoped I would find, the one who puts up with all my quirks and still makes me laugh, the one who loves me despite every one of my well developed flaws. You have no idea how lucky I feel to call you mine. And I love you so, so very much.

Our fridge is now devoid of any and all foods with nutritional value. We only have beer, milk and OJ.

2010-10-17T21:41:00.000-05:00

Just though you should know that.

Detroit like you've never seen it.

2010-10-17T08:52:00.001-05:00

Yves Marchand & Romain Meffre Photography. Amazing stuff, you should totally check out the link and have a look...

"Ruins are the visible symbols and landmarks of our societies

and their changes, small pieces of history in suspension.

The state of ruin is essentially a temporary situation that happens at

some point, the volatile result of change of era and the fall of empires.

This fragility, the time elapsed but even so running fast, lead us to watch them one very last time :

being dismayed, or admire, making us wondering about the permanence of things.

Photography appeared to us as a modest way

to keep a little bit of this ephemeral state."

One more Retirement FYI. Or two...

2010-10-16T16:46:00.000-05:00

So all of my previous retirement stuff can be found here and here (this one was featured in the Blogs section of the Army's Stand To site and I didn't know it until today- super cool!).

But here's the thing I want y'all to know. (Which I wish we knew). Housing WILL NOT give you your all clear stamp early, and you can't fully clear- and therefore get your DD-214- until you've cleared housing. So, I would suggest that y'all just book yourselves a week or two in a hotel or on-post lodging and get the housing situation squared away sooner rather than later. Otherwise you will be like Swiss and I are now... somewhat akin to jobless college kids home for summer break. Lots of TV and aimless meandering around the house with tiny sporadic bursts of packing.

Back to my point. Seeing as how we did not do this... Swiss can't clear post until the afternoon of the day we plan to leave. And go to finance and to the S1 and get the DD-214 and his retirement awards. Then drive half way from here to Minnesota. Jealous, aren't you?

We shall file this under things I wish someone had told us 6 months ago. And believe you me... that list is turning into a doozie.

Also, here are my sage two cents on all things pertaining to the VA: Do your homework. Looking into the Post 9-11 GI Bill? Find out how long the turn around time is on the applications (weeks, lots and lots of weeks) so you can work with your school accordingly. And get to know the process, which can be convoluted and confusing, so that when you start to navigate it you'll at least have an inkling of what you should be doing. Unhappy with your disability percentage? Find out who to contact with your dispute and get your medical records in order. Like tippy toppy shape. Know them backwards and forwards.

So, that is all I have to say about this topic for the time being. Once this whole brewhaha is over with (FYI- it takes up to 45 days from your formal retirement date to get your disability percentage) I will have a big ole' summary for you guys.

Because this is too awesome not to post.

2010-10-16T12:09:00.001-05:00

Overhaulin'.

2010-10-16T08:46:00.000-05:00

So, since we are like T-10 days from moving on from this whole Army thing... I think it is time to do a bit of a blog overhaul. So, don't be surprised if you check back and this place looks a whole lot different.

And I won't lie, the content is gonna change too. I'll still talk about the military and the things that get me fired up. But there will be more 'normal' life stuff and random things I feel like posting. More photos, more casual. I don't know what the overarching "theme" will be of this blog, but it will still be me in all my eccentric glory... I hope you all stick around and that you like the changes that are a comin'.

Happy weekend everyone!

Detaching.

2010-10-12T10:35:00.000-05:00

So, I've been thinking about this retirement thing. Not in the what-have-I-forgotten-to-put-on-the-list way... but more philosophically. What I've pretty much come up with is this... in some ways it is like preparing for a deployment. No, the fear and worry and anxiety aren't there (at least not in anywhere near the same levels) but the distancing? The whole steeling yourself against what is going to happen thing? Totally happening.

Swiss and I both find ourselves slowly withdrawing and disassociating from all things military. Obviously it isn't because we don't care anymore. And I know it isn't because all that stuff suddenly doesn't matter. I think it is just our way of preparing to live a life where the military isn't front and center every day. You know, kind of like you do with your spouse before they leave (we all do/did that, right?) for battle. You have to get yourself ready for the new future in front of you that doesn't include that person (hopefully, just for the time being). In our case, that person is the Army.

It is certainly easier to do this now that Swiss is on terminal leave... his only duties are to go to the occasional VA appointment or stop by different offices to get his papers stamped. He doesn't have a work schedule anymore, no PT, no forced family fun, nothing. We are just two non-working folks who happen to live in on-post housing. Is it almost like we are slipping, quite easily, into the retired mode where the only thing we need from the military are the PX/BX and Commissary privileges... and the retirement checks.

I know that this is a time that Swiss was VERY ready to have come. He is ready to move on and not be a soldier anymore. He doesn't have that romantic view of what it means to be in the military... this unit and the deployments have worn that away. He sees it for what it is and is ready to do something else. And I know this is helping him through this process, which I am sure can be difficult for many.

As for me? Well, I don't think I've been a part of this whole machine for long enough to develop serious attachments. Yes, this has been our life for the last 3+ years, but I sort of view it (at this point anyway) as a chapter in a much bigger book. At times, yes, it was all consuming. Absolutely. And at times it was the biggest driving force in our lives... dictating places and times and 100% responsible for enormous emotional burdens and fears. But. It was temporary and we got through it. So yes, I too am ready to move on.

But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that this feels a little sad. I know we'll always be a part of this family, but the thing I loved most about being a military family is the sense of community. Being part of something bigger, having a network and an instant, understandable bond with all the members of this community. Yes, that I will miss the most. But hopefully, either via this blog or other social networking venues, I'll be able to keep the mainline flowing to these relationships and this fabulous community. Because, at the end of the day, it is the people that make our military great, and it will be the people that I miss the most.

Put on your Military Speak Decoder Rings folks!

2010-10-11T16:53:00.000-05:00

This PCS is driving me bananas. And my dear husband’s ever changing POA is messing with my OCD and if he keeps it up, it is all gonna be FUBAR. The SA is getting out of control and I really just need for things to get back on track in our AO. ASAP.

We have a home!

2010-10-05T11:40:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I accepted a job at a lab in South Dakota. (!?!) I won't lie, it isn't a place I ever thought we would end up, but the town we'll be in is nice, the scenery is beautiful and I'm lucky enough to have family who lives out there. So yeah, either way it'll be an adventure!

We are currently in the process of clearing and getting the house ready to vacate. Which, currently, means I am speckled in white Army Issue housing white paint. It's gonna be a hectic few weeks and I'll update then... and then you'll have to help me figure out what the future of this blog will be... because in a few short weeks I won't be an Active Duty spouse anymore. Crazy!

News!

2010-10-03T20:43:00.002-05:00

I have exciting news that I will share with y'all just as soon as the real folks in my life know!

Heads up!

2010-09-23T16:00:00.000-05:00

I have an important PSA for anyone about to start the new DoD's online personal property shipping process over on move.mil. Ready? It is 100% NON COMPLIANT with a Mac. Like, you cannot use it. At all. From top to bottom the program does not work with any Apple based computer products.

Yes, it is obviously ridiculous that if you require everyone in the military to use this program in order to PCS and have it only work with PCs. No, it isn't a huge deal if you are on post because you can hop over to work or somewhere that has PCs. But when you are on terminal leave 1,200 miles away from post and all of your relation owns Macs? Bwahahaha. Watch Tucker grovel to everyone she knows to let them crash their house and steal their PC for an hour (yes, it takes that long). Thanks Aunt Jane for saving my bacon yet again!

In any event, we got it done. We have a pre-inspection scheduled, we have packing dates and move out dates and it is a done deal. Now? All that is left to do is finish up Swiss's VA appointments when we get back to post and clear the installation. Then, on to our new non-Army life.

Wow.

Did I mention that we still don't have jobs or a place to call home yet?

I. Die.

Hopefully this job interview I have scheduled at the end of the month goes well and we get some of these details ironed out. But until then? Let's call this Tucker's crash course in how to be more carefree and less OCD.

No, I'm not dead.

2010-09-20T11:43:00.000-05:00

So yeah, with this terminal leave well under way, we have been bouncing around the countryside hopping from place to place doing mostly nothing to get ready for the looming PCS. Great plan, right? Hahahahahah!

We are currently hanging out in WI with my family, we leave for MN later this week to spend some time with them. Before we head home to Fort X, I get to stop in South Dakota (!?!) for a job interview. I'm nervous and excited and curious about this job, the employer is non-traditional (in a good way) and I've heard great things about the city despite it not being a place neither Swiss nor I would have chosen.

Swiss is still waiting to hear from the contractor job he's applied for. So yeah, we are still jobless and homeless and clueless.

And we don't have the move scheduled yet either. Yep, move.mil is still throwing roadblocks in our way. We finally got our password and now the system won't let us get to the DPS site to organize/schedule the move. Fun right? Me thinks I'm gonna get to be really good friends with the customer service folks.

Anywhoodles, that is mostly it from here. Thus far my stress level is super low (owing surely to the Wisconsin beer and baked goods) but I'm guessing the minute we hit the gates back at Fort X I'll be back into full-on panic mode. Thankfully there is a super OCD calendar and list system waiting for me on the wall.

So yeah, just thought I'd let you all know we aren't dead... we are just taking an inappropriately timed vacation when we should be getting ready to leave Army life for good. Blame Swiss.

Have a great week everyone! :)

An open letter to the DoD.

2010-09-13T11:42:00.001-05:00

Dear DoD,

At the risk of sounding like a stodgy, grumpy old man... please, please, I beg of you... ENOUGH WITH THE TECHNOLOGY ALREADY! And if you want specifics, may I please point your attention to your newest ~~mess~~ website: move.mil. But just be warned, should you take a moment to go check that link to be sure of what I speak, allow for 1-3 minutes for the page to load... and another 1-3 for every subsequent page. Just FYI.

It was bad enough having to apply for housing online while my husband (and personal Cliff Notes to the Military) was deployed. What with the obscure and non-conventional terminology, need for seemingly unrelated documents, and no less than 11 scanned copies of every legal and Army-based document I had in my possession (I wish that was an exaggeration, but it is not). There was no way to contact someone if I had trouble, and there were no confirmations of receipt. Just me, hanging out in my house hoping that it went through and I didn't FUBAR it. I guess I did okay since I am now writing this from inside my on-post housing, but you sure didn't make it easy.

Now you've gone and taken a system that worked so well, and turned it into a gummed up, confusing, non-intuitive and completely un-user-friendly website that is painfully slow to boot. Rather than have us sit down with an experienced transportation counselor (With other couples no less! Multitasking!) to get briefed and have all of our forms (accurately) filled out and submitted with just a few hours of our time (scheduled at our and your convenience)... you have ~~forced~~ given us this new website in the name of making life easier for military families.

Pshaw! As if!

Please just call a spade a spade from now on. Rather than give us lip-service about this clumsy and difficult program being "for us, to make our lives easier", please just call it a money saving venture. What you are trying to do is downsize your offices and instead of hiring capable, experienced, HELPFUL actual people who can sit down with you and truly make the process easier (who, naturally cost money), you are hiring Tech Firms full of people who know nothing about the DoD or the PCS process and are now just frustrated and unhelpful despite their best intentions (hired, naturally, because they were the lowest bidder).

Instead, what you have left us with is a program that is so over burdened that when you apply to get accepted into the online program, I have to wait 6 hours to get my confirmation because the requests are too plentiful. Come on now DoD, if anyone in this world has a clear understanding of how many folks are in the military and on PCS/Retirement/ETS orders, it is you. And still you didn't think this program through well enough to accommodate us. Thanks. So here we sit, twiddling our thumbs for 6 hours, when, had you just kept things the way they were, we'd be done by now.

Furthermore, you have left no option for real, live help. Even here on post. So when our situation is complicated by non-temporary storage or potential changes in final destinations, and when we find out that there are steps we do or don't need to take because we are retiring... we find out about them only after wasting our time and ending up frustrated. Which may not be a big deal to you, but it is to us.

In case you didn't get the point already, this program has done absolutely nothing to make our lives and this process any easier. Oh, and one other thing, when you decide to go paperless and want all documents scanned and e-mailed to the appropriate offices, it would behoove you to also increase the attached file size allowances. Hotmail lets me download up to 10MB of scanned documents, AKO however wouldn't even let me attach 4 scanned pages despite reducing the scan quality to almost unreadable. Does this mean maybe some guys will get more bandwidth of p0rn somewhere in Afghanistan? Probably. But for those of us doing official business, you know- like moving when you tell us to, it would make us a lot less frustrated.

Really, all we are asking of you, DoD, is that you actually think about the military families that are going to be effected by the changes in programs you want to make... not just your bottom line. We all understand that money is tight, but making us all suffer through poorly thought-out and clumsy programs just to PCS (which, in case you forgot, we do quite often) isn't the answer. I'm all for technology, but even if it makes me sound like an old man, computers and HTML code can't always replace real live people.

Sincerely,
Tucker (and Swiss)

Retirement, Part Deux.

2010-09-13T08:48:00.000-05:00

So, are y'all ready for part two? Well, ready or not, here it comes... (and if you missed part one, check it out)

Okay everybody, here's the gist of it: there are things you should do, things you must do, and things that are way more complicated than they should be that often you don't/won't get told about. Is it annoying? Of course. But the main thing is (hopefully) that you get the nitty gritty list from someone who has just gone through it (because we all know in 5-10 years this process is going to be totally different) and make sure you do the things that aren't on the official list. Here is my list.

MEDICAL:

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, if your spouse should have any ailments, any at all, go to sick call and get it documented! This might require multiple trips (I'd suggest multiple trips with similar ailments bundled into each visit) but it is a very important step that is not written down anywhere. Apparently, the VA reps who review your medical records are mostly trained to hone in on sick call forms... not official medical records. The more of the sick call forms you have, the more accurate their summary of your medical records will be. Otherwise you have to do it and make sure your MDs know about it.

Also, be aware that these MDs doing the VA physicals are booked. Always. Expect a 5-6 week wait for your first appointment. This is where the planning ahead and allowing time for this stuff will really work in your favor.

Be warned that there WILL be extra appointments. While you are allowed to do these appointments while on terminal leave, the 2 or so appointments they first schedule you for aren't the last ones you'll be doing. Most of these will be scheduled only after the first round. Be sure to leave wiggle room in your schedule for these!

HOUSING/TRANSPORTATION:

Get with housing and transportation. Here, housing told me in January that they were okay with only 2 weeks notice for retirements, which was awesome. Turns out that isn't the case (thankfully we have more than enough time to schedule it). However, since transportation requires the usuall 30 days, it is sort of a moot point. Your post might be different so check in to it early and often! Ask lots of questions and if something sounds hinky, ask again!

Be ready to be flexible with every aspect of this last PCS. Assuming that you have left yourself tons of time to complete this, it shouldn't be an issue. However, given how fickle things can be with theses processes, be sure to give yourself enough of a window. And, unlike some more traditional PCS scenarios (assuming you are moving to a location not near your current duty station and not near another military installation), plan to stay a night or two on post after you clear housing. This will allow you to get registered with the VA and tie up any loose ends that you may be used to tying up before moving out of housing.

DOCUMENTS GALORE:

Be mindful of the documents you will need in your new non-Army endeavours. Mainly your retirement orders, your DD-214, and any documentation supporting preferences given in hiring (Purple Heart, 30+% disability, etc). These documents can help you quite a bit, but anyone who is willing to help a Vet wants documentation, so have it in a handy place.

Did I mention something last time about getting organized? At this point, if you haven't done it, sit down and do it. You should have files for the medical records, files for the VA, files for clearing, and the ever-important file for all the papers and orders you need to get anything done on post.

INSURANCE:

This is one of those things that they give you pamphlets on and let you figure out the rest. Fun, right? I'll give you the run-down: Your spouse will automatically be removed from TriCare Prime when they get their new card and status change to "Retired", though they will still be covered under Standard. At this point, you get to choose what insurance you want, assuming you are not eligible for the VA insurance. TriCare Prime is really only going to do you any good if you end up living relatively close to a major military installation. The enrollment fee is cheap ($400 per family per year), and the co-pays are wonderfully awesome, but you are mostly limited to in-service providers (like a HMO) which are only going to be present in helpful enough numbers near a military base. But FYI- Prime Remote is no longer an option when you transition to retired status! TriCare Standard or Extra will likely serve you best if you are going to move somewhere less close to military medical care/military installations. This is still a pretty cheap option, but you will be required to pay a little bit more as a dependent than you used to (something like 5% more). Either way, you have to re-look at your insurance situation with a new set of eyes, be aware of your final location, costs and physician availability.

Be cognizant of the fact that you are paying for insurance out of pocket. When you get offered your next non-military job, be sure to keep this bargaining chip in mind. Most employers pay some or all of your enrollment fees and whanot. Be sure to let them know you won't be participating (unless it is way better/cheaper than TriCare) and see if they will pony up extra money for your salary or extra vacation days. This goes for you too spouses!!!

So, there you have it, the latest and greatest hits from the Tucker and Swiss Retirement Tour. I'll keep you all posted as things get crazier! And as always, let me know in the comments if there are other issues you have questions about!

How's that for a welcome home?

2010-09-10T08:06:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone! How've you been? Me? I'm good. Recovering from a sunburn (100% not my fault, and I'm still looking at you Katie) and a bit of jet lag, but Hawaii was awesome and everyone had a great time. There was plenty of beach time, lots of island related adult beverages, cheesy movies, cute kids and stellar conversations. All in all? Great vacation!

But guess what I came home to? The (semi) exciting news that Swiss's retirement is much more imminent than we had thought. In other words, his terminal leave starts somewhere in the middle of next week. Terminal leave. Next week. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!?!?!? Of course this means the hubs wants to go home to Minnesota and Wisconsin for two weeks (100% in the name of hunting- at least he isn't trying to hide that fact). Which of course means that when we get back to Fort X we will have right around 3 weeks to PCS.

Three weeks. To PCS.

That whirring noise? Yeah, don't worry, thats just my head spinning round and round...

Do I think we can do this even though we are only about 11% prepared for this? Sure. There are two of us this time, there is no house to sell, and now we both have the joyous experience of a PCS under our belts. But really? How did we think waiting this long would be a good idea? Talk about the summer getting away from us! Turns out October really isn't too far away from August... Hmph.

Now, in our defense, this surprise early terminal leave will suck up 2 of what would have been a 5 week grace period. I'm still not sold on this trip up North being a good idea, but I don't have the heart to tell Swiss no. He missed so much last year and it really would suck if he had to miss out on all of it again because of a stupid PCS. But oy... I can already feel my OCD tendencies coming up to the surface.

Like the insane 6 week calendar I made out of poster board yesterday (2 sheets! I'm crazy!). Replete with VA appointments, packing lists, clearing lists and general to-do list. Because, you know, a normal calendar just wouldn't cut it. It really was disturbing how much better it made me feel to have that sucker up on the wall. And of course it helps remembering all of the things I FUBAR'd the last time (that would be why the lists are so long and detailed). But my confidence level of having both the housing office and the transportation office working on the same schedule we are? Hahahahhahahahahahaha... head, meet desk.

In any event, I'm sure it will work out. Neither of us have jobs yet (but that's another post for another day) but the good news is that we still have some time. 5 weeks. Really folks, this is insane! So yeah, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride! Have a stellar weekend everyone! You know where I'll be... eyeball deep in moving boxes and packing lists!

Hiatus part two, Aloha edition.

2010-08-31T18:49:00.000-05:00

So, after those two actually decent blog posts, I'm off again! Like a herd of turtles!

All joking aside, this is my big trip to Hawaii with my bestest friend in the whole world Beth to visit her awesome sister Katie and her two baby boys (she blogs too- check her out!) with a bit of a stop in Seattle to visit Beth's family and her other sister Carolyn. These three gals are my adopted sisters, family by choice I like to say, so I'm super excited to be spending time with them all- especially Beth. Can you tell I miss her???

Also, its been fun to watch Swiss get ready for a week without me. I think it is cute that he's realizing how not fun it is to be the one left behind... even if it is only for a week! Yes, very sappy and newlywed of us. You can barf if you are overcome with the gushieness of it all. I won't blame you!

In any event, I'll be off the radar for another week or so. Hopefully all the downtime on the airplane and in the airport will stir up some more posts of substance and I'll come back ready to go. Hope you all have a great week and we will see you soon!

Later aligators! -Tucker xoxo

This is bananas. AKA the Retirement process.

2010-08-31T10:39:00.003-05:00

Y'all, seriously, the whole retirement process really is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

I've been wanting to write about this process for some time now, but is is so long and drawn out that there has been no good time to to sit down and put it to ~~paper~~ screen. But I suppose now we are coming to a close and there really is no better time than the present. And before I get started, to all you Navy/Marine/Coastie/Air Force folks, sorry! I don't know how much of this is consistent across the board (I'd imagine the VA stuff is) but all I can speak to is the Army's process... in any event, I hope even this little bit can help you prepare for a future ETS or retirement!

So, the long and short of it is this: ACAP, VA, meetings, meetings, seminars, meetings, VA, ACAP, ACAP, retirement office, VA, housing, transportation, VA, VA physicals, retirement office, VA. Or something near that. What you need to know is that it is a long process with a lot of stops along the way, make sure you leave plenty of time to do it all. And a stash of beer or wine won't hurt!

ACAP is the Army's program for transitioning out of the service. Everything from interview skills, resumes, job searches, how to dress for interviews, job fairs, prospective employer meet and greets, generally just a whole lot of how to get your shit together for life outside the Army. It is a great program and, aside from the nutty schedules for the seminars and meetings, full of useful information. ACAP is awesome and be sure to take full advantage of it. And spouses! You can use ACAP too! Your spouse isn't the only one transitioning out of the Army so you can participate in their resume workshops and job fairs as well. Use it!

The VA stuff is insane. Insane because the sheer amount of information they throw at you, insane because of the mind-boggling loopholes and if-then scenarios they pose. And insane because when you are retiring, how you handle the VA stuff before you leave duty will have a MAJOR impact not only on your disability, but on how easily you will be able to navigate the VA system once you are in it. Suffice to say, the more you do, and the better/more thoroughly you do it, the easier your life will be in the future. But be prepared to have your mind blown by how the system works. BANANAS.

The retirement office on post handles lots of the paperwork. All the DD-214s and retirement orders and they are the ones who actually get you out of the Army. My 2 cents when working with them? Be Prepared. Have copies of all your necessary documents, have copies of all your awards and honors, and review what the system says you have (in terms of time in service, duty stations, ranks, awards) before you walk in the door. Double checking is your best friend. And play nice with your representative- they can make your life hell if you make their job difficult (that should be obvious, but this is one person you want on your good side!)

Now, back to the VA insanity. This is probably the single most important part to retiring (a little less so for ETSing) so I'm gonna focus here a bit. The things I think y'all need to know up front are these:

VA systems are based on a regional format. These regions DO NOT interface (as insane as this may be, it is the truth). If you move from one region to another, it is 100% on you to take your medical records with you and ensure that your records are transferred to your new region. 100% on you. Did you get that? Its all on you to make sure this stuff transfers the way it should.

The VA system is not one stop shopping. It is like the utility company, if you are having problems with the electric, you wouldn't call the water company, right? BE SURE WHO YOU ARE CALLING. If you aren't sure, ask or check online. Because if you call the wrong folks? They will not help you, you will get frustrated, and you will give up... loosing out on benefits and help. And this is probably the single most common mistake when dealing with the VA.

Have your medical records in tip-top shape. I mean it! You need to account for every bump and bruise going in to these VA appointments. The whole point is that someone will review the records and then set up medical appointments to corroborate and suss out any health issues. The more complete your records are, the more likely you will a) get an accurate disability rating and b) get these things on record for both future healthcare and future disability should the condition worsen. Very important stuff folks. And this could be thousands of dollars over a lifetime. (Did you know that tendonitis in and ankle or knee, if documented, is 10% straight away??? And that stuff adds up!)

ASK QUESTIONS! The whole thing is complicated and confusing... fro the Post 9-11 GI Bill down to how and when to register with the system (FYI- you register on the first day you are no longer an active duty soldier). If you aren't sure, ask, because sometimes finding the answer out yourself could take days. The more notes you take early in the process and the more questions you ask, the better you will understand the process... or at least where to start looking when you have issues. This will serve you well in the long run. I promise!

As for the rest of it? These tid-bits pertain to anyone getting out- ETS or Retirement. These are the nuggets of wisdom I've taken away from the process so far and I think they will help anyone going through this:

Schedule! This stuff takes time. And the meetings/presentations/specific hours that things are done are ridiculous and all over the place. Leave yourself enough time to get all this taken care of without rushing. Rushing leads to mistakes and mistakes lead to problems. If you have questions, talk to the ACAP folks and the people in the retirement office. They will know! Also, some of these meetings require your spouse to attend, so be prepared and have your calendars open!

Schedule! Part two! Make sure your unit is allowing you enough time to get through the retirement process. As I said, this takes time and if you are tasked with labor and time intensive duties when you should be ACAPing or doing your VA physicals, you will be scrambling at the last minute to get it all done. These appointments will dictate when you can PCS and when your terminal leave can start- the sooner you get done, the more enjoyable and stress-free the final stages will be. (Trust me, we are living this nightmare right now because Swiss got tasked with running EIB when he should have been working on retiring. NIGHTMARE!)

LISTEN! Pay close attention to the content of those meetings. As boring as they are (and I know they are, I've sat through them!) they are chock full of useful information that you will (WILL) need in the future. Take notes, ask questions, pay attention! They will cover everything from Post 9-11 GI Bill benefits, VA health care, insurance, claiming preference... it is all so important! So don't tune out, don't doodle, don't take naps. Suck it up and pay attention. Your bank account, sanity, and future health care will benefit in the long run.

Document. Have your paperwork in order. This means everything from medical records to NCOERs and promotion paperwork, honors and awards, re-enlistment contracts... the whole kit and caboodle. The better organized you are the easier the whole process will be. Take some time before you start the process to get this all in order. It will save you lots of headaches in the coming months.

Be flexible. Both in schedule and attitude. Know that your dream PCS/terminal leave dates may or may not work. Know that the date you want to do a particular ACAP meeting might be booked, have alternates in the back of your mind. Be prepared to bounce around the offices and missing some of the silly hours they have set up for these things (because you have no way of knowing they only look at medical records from 8-11 on Mondays). As frustrating as it might be, it is necessary because they don't make it easy on you. Consider yourself warned.

Organize! Make yourself a big old file folder (or set aside a drawer, box, whatever) and keep all this stuff you'll be getting in one place. There will be more handouts and information than you can keep track of, so start some files for each item so you can find it again. I SO wish we would have done this early on. I am faced with doing this now and it is a HOT MESS. Also, this will serve you well in the future as you need to go back and reference this information.

BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE! The people helping you are just doing their job. As nice as they may be, its no skin off their back if you get screwed in the end. I don't mean to sound cynical, but it is in your best interest to pay attention to what is going on. Case in point, when Swiss's medical records were getting reviewed his (VERY) well documented history of a thyroid disorder, skin cancer and a gunshot wound from combat were missed. If he hadn't spoken up, not only would his medical care have suffered, but we would have missed out on something like 70% disability. Huge deal folks! HUGE! If you aren't going to pay attention and look out for yourself, you can't expect someone who sees you as just another case to do it for you. So, this might be the single most important pointer I can give you. Take ownership of this process and the information- double check, triple check and pay attention! Be your own advocate. Period!

Okay, so that is the nitty gritty cliff notes version of this process so far. As more things come to light, I will pass on whatever nuggets of wisdom I glean. And also, please, please, please don't hesitate to ask questions either by e-mail or in the comments if you have them. I'm by no means an expert in this, but I'd be glad to pass on whatever information I have!

Stay tuned for more information! Ooh, and let me know if there are aspects of this process you specifically want more information on... I'll do my best to help out however I can.

His career and my 2 cents.

2010-08-30T09:09:00.000-05:00

You've read those blog posts and heard/overheard those conversations, right? The ones where the spouse of the soldier (etc.) bravely and calmly says that her husband's career choices in the military really are just up to him since it is HIS career after all. Please tell me you have (though if you haven't just search around the blog-o-sphere, you'll find them, I don't want to post links as I don't want to hurt anyone's feelers)... because I need to suss some things out in regards to this topic.

First, I get it. I mean, I understand the whole mentality of not putting your foot down and DEMANDING that your spouse ETS or Retire or switch MOS, because generally demands don't play so nice with marriages. And I'd be willing to bet that around 90% of us knew we were marrying the military type, so there is a certain amount of latitude that must be given. I get that. I really do. There is a part of you that feels incredibly selfish and demanding and not all that wonderful when you start to think about putting in your 2 cents (or 5 dollars) when it comes to these topics.

Second, I sort of understand the parallels I see some spouses trying to make between their civilian career and his. You know, the whole I wouldn't want him telling me what jobs to take and not to take or when to move or quit, so I shouldn't do it to him. Because, on some level that is totally spot on. I wouldn't want Swiss demanding or telling me in no uncertain terms what I could and could not do with my career, to turn down opportunities or a big promotion for whatever reason. I am an independent lady after all, with a strong will to boot. I think we can all imagine how well that would go over, right? So it is, on the surface of things, understandable to draw the same conclusions about your say and his career.

However... for me, that parallel doesn't really work unless your civilian job is that of a Blackwater contractor or maybe a MD with Doctors Without Borders (or you are in the military yourself). Because my job as a cytotechnologist or teacher or nurse or advertising executive generally only comes with ancillary requirements like occasional overtime or working weekends, maybe a pay cut or the rare travel to some safe garden spot for a short conference. No job I've ever had put my life in jeopardy, sent me away from home for a year or more every 15 moths or so or left my family to deal with the very real possibility of me not coming home- ever. And no job I've ever had came with contracts that couldn't be broken or guaranteed moves every few years under penalty of jail time. And last I checked, most civilian jobs can or could be left at the office so to speak. None of those things can be said for a job in the military. Not a one.

Also, isn't all we ever talk about how this career our spouses choose is really a lifestyle for the whole family, sacrifices and bonuses and all? So how does this whole Hands Off! mentality when it comes to his career jibe with our general thesis on military life? How can we, on one hand say that these deployments effect us all, but on the other say that decisions regarding the career that causes these deployments is no place for my opinion?

I guess my questions/issues on this topic arise because when it came time for Swiss to PCS the last time, when talks of retirement or staying in started to surface, it was a family decision. We talked about it together. I made me feelings and opinions known, politely of course, but Swiss always knew what my feelings on these topics were. We, as a family, talked about the benefits and cons of each of the duty stations and the job assignments and expectations that would come with each place (you know, light infantry versus mechanized units, 1SGT time or staff duty, etc.). We talked about wether or not this was the right time to retire, what the benefits would be to staying in and what impact that would have on our lives, my career, his career and all that jazz. At the end of the day, we made decisions based on what was best for our family. If Swiss was single, he'd probably stay in for another 3-6 years, but those extra deployments and PCSs just weren't what made sense for us.

Now, with all that said, I really do want to open up a dialogue about this topic even though I haven't shielded my views even a smidge (hey, I'm just being honest!). How do you feel about this? How much input do you give (or are allowed) on your spouse's military career? Where is the line between being selfish and doing what is best for your family? How have you and your spouses dealt with these issues in the past? And are you a subscriber to the "Its his career" mentality? If so, why?

Okay Ladies, have at it in the comments! Just play nice with each other, okay?

OMG.

2010-08-28T23:22:00.000-05:00

So we juuuuust got home from our whirlwind 2 week trek from Maine to Washington and most places in between. And can I tell you that I have NEVER been so happy to see the main gates here at Fort X? Anyway, there are stories and photos and whatnot, but first there must be a long awaited reunion with me and my bed. But just so you know, I'm back and the blogging will commence shortly!!!

Hiatus.

2010-08-14T13:48:00.000-05:00

The next two weeks are going to be bananas here so posting will be infrequent (as if it hasn't already been so- ha!). If I can, I will do some posting from Maine and our hare-brained trip to the PNW for a job interview. Wish us luck if you are so inclined!

I hope you all have great weeks!!!

Pride and punishment.

2010-08-13T08:13:00.003-05:00

For the past few months Swiss has been in charge of planning, organizing and running his battalion's Expert Infantryman Badge testing. It's been countless weeks of late hours, planning and prepping for a week's worth of testing... brutal testing and brutal hours and brutal standards, all in the name of the coveted EIB.

This morning was the final test... after over 300 started, there were less than 40 something soldiers embarking on the 12 mile road march in full battle rattle. Three hours of marching, running, slugging it out to make this week's worth of punishment worth it. And you know what? By the time they were coming on into the homestretch? It was already 82 degrees.

I drove Swiss in to work not a half hour ago, and when I dropped him off, I was held at the intersection by a guard to let these EIB soldiers cross the road on their way to the finish. The driver's seat in our sedan suddenly became a front row seat to one of the most beautiful scenes I've ever witnessed.

To my right, near headquarters, every unit was in formation in their PTs, with flags flying, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the EIB soldiers from their unit. They were joined by the proud wives and kids of these troops... all waiting to see the familiar face they came to cheer on. And every time a new soldier crested the hill, bogged down by their helmet and body armor, hands tired from carrying their M4 for three hours, feet dragging from the relentless 12 mile march.... the crowds roared and that troop's unit broke formation. The cheers and clapping were almost deafening. Those soldiers ran, no, sprinted to their soldier and started running/marching with him shouting and clapping the entire way. They cheered him on, motivated him in those last brutal 200 yards, encouraged him and urged him on to the finish. You could literally see the candidate's morale soar, their cadence quicken, their shoulders straighten. You could see it working. It was beautiful and it made my heart soar. I wish you all could have seen it.

The pride and the Esprit de Corps was nearly overwhelming... the joy and exuberance these soldiers had when their soldier came into the home stretch was palpable and they weren't afraid to show it to anyone who was watching. It actually made me a bit misty, to see these battle-hardened men cheering and running like kids again, all to support a member of the unit in attaining the EIB.

There is no telling how many of these men made the required time. Im sure Swiss will have the update when he gets home. But I suppose, in this story and for me, that isn't the point. It was the unity and the pride and the unconditional, unabashed support. Really, truly, it was magical. And I feel so lucky to have seen it.

Here's hoping every last one of them passed. And to those who did? Congratulations... and enjoy the hell out of your weekend. Hooah.

Progress...

2010-08-12T07:45:00.000-05:00

Well folks, we got some good news! Swiss got an interview for a JROTC position out on the left coast! (Can I get a "Hells yeah!"?)

Now, since we leave for our much anticipated vacation to Maine this weekend, it will have to wait until we get back, but can I tell you how much this news bolstered my spirits? I mean, no, I don't want to be THAT far away from my friends and family, but it is a nice town with a nice community and great home-grown businesses, mountain views and a major city a couple of hours away, so I can't complain too much. Swiss is cautiously optimistic, I can tell he's worried about blowing it (even though I have 100% confidence that no such thing could/will happen) so his excitement level is lower than mine. But I know one thing, we are both pretty stoked about getting a hit and having a real prospect in front of us.

In any event, this now gives me license to do all the research I (hopefully) will need to do if we end up PCSing there. Homes to rent, cultural activities, jobs, neighborhoods, all that jazz. And you know what? Thank God for the Internet!

Monday, Monday.

2010-08-09T08:38:00.000-05:00

There is something y'all should know about me: I'm terrible at goodbyes. Like blubbering mess, snotty nose, weepy, melancholy, herky-jerky speech and everything. I mean, you would think after college and living in places other than my home town, doing long-distance dating for over a year, a big, fat deployment and moving across the country to play Army wife, I'd be a bit more practiced and skilled at this. Alas, no.

Of course it doesn't help that I'm definitely the overly-sentimental type. I'm a total softie deep down and no matter how tough I appear/try to be, I'm really just a gushy mess. It isn't ever pretty when Swiss or my parents have to leave (which they did today after an awesome visit that totally makes me want to get back to Wisconsin), or when I leave my home/hometown. I just don't do goodbyes gracefully. And you know what else doesn't help? I'm a little bit weary.

Now, I'm not complaining per se. I've got it ~~good~~ great. Healthy family, a husband who is none the worse for the wear after multiple deployments, we are financially sound, I get to go on two (2!) vacations in the next month, we have family and friends who love us... life is good and we are blessed. It's just that Holy Hannah- this retirement/leaving the Army thing is ~~annoying~~ ~~frustrating~~ ~~hard~~ ~~scary~~ ~~intimidating~~ ~~difficult~~ challenging. No, it doesn't help that we are leaving a secure, steady job and diving head-long into a terrible economy with ABYSMAL job markets. And no, it doesn't make things easier when deep down I really wish in my heart of hearts that we could find a way to make it back to the Midwest regardless of the consequences. And no, it doesn't help when neither Swiss nor I can come to grips with the situation as it really is rather than the situation as we are seeing it is and therefore panicking about.

Mostly, I think we are frustrated with the job options ahead of us. (Us and everyone else, right?) We were planning for so long to go the JROTC route for Swiss, then once that was settled, I would decide what road to head down on the quest for a new career. Then, after calling all of our Top 10 assignments, and the Second 10, finding only a handful of sub-prime openings... the picture starts to get muddy and deflating. There is the one in a shady town in a nice state. There is one in a nice town in a nice state (near lots of wine!) but ridiculously far from family. There is the one in the big city rife with crime. There is the one in the middle of nowhere with zero prospects for me and my career. Gone are the assignments that made perfect sense for our family. I don't know if it was bad timing, Karma or fate. But what we are left with looks more like the detritus at the end of Lollapalooza than anything. Oh okay- that's a bit of an overstatement, but after loosing out (or being mislead) on great cities like Denver and Omaha and sweet towns in Maine and Kentucky... we are feeling like somewhere we went wrong. Only we can't figure out how, where or why.

So now we are in recovery mode. Applying for jobs that neither of us really want in locations we think we want. Going to plans B through W trying to find something that will work, even though we both know it means jobs we would likely loathe. Trying to game plan a ridiculous scenario where a JROTC job will be opening up next year (we can apply in April) in a city we like and is close to home, so I find a job and we move there on the blind faith that Swiss can make buddies with the JROTC guys there and get that job in a year. Because that is a great plan, right?

In any event, I think Swiss and I both need to remember that since he is retiring, there will be money, even if somehow neither of us end up working immediately. There will be checks every month, and though I hate that he will likely be given a high disability percentage, that too will help grow our bank account even more. We aren't going to be living in a van down by the river (see the clip just for kicks).

We aren't going to be suffering and miserable. And worst case scenario, we wait it out and keep our fingers crossed for that JROTC job next year. (Do I love the idea of being 'homeless', mooching off our families- again- for 8 months? All I can say is UGH. But it certainly is better than the alternative? Right???)

But I guess the moral of the story is that things never really go how you think they will. Not to be pessimistic, because that isn't my nature. But optimism- when leaving the armed forces- won't serve you well. The big government jobs are a bitch to get even if you are qualified (and can take up to a year to finalize), the JROTC listings are 'updated' every 3 days but are really ~~weeks~~ months out of date, and the career market for lots of military folks are either based on who you know or sucking it up and taking some sort of contracting job. Isn't that the rosiest picture you ever did see?

In any event, I think I (and we) just want a solution to the Post-Army question that is haunting us. We want a job, and we want to have direction. We want to be close to home, but we understand (begrudgingly) that it might not be in the cards just yet. We want to get settled and stop playing the I Don't Know game. We want to get our foot in the door so that maybe one day we can get the job/location we really want. And we are mostly just ready to have a plan... that doesn't involve a van down by the river.

Checking in...

2010-08-05T08:49:00.000-05:00

Just checking in. All is fine here, there is lots to update y'all on but my family is here for a bit longer so things will be quiet around this here blog for another couple of days. Hope you all are having a great week!

Deployment by proxy.

2010-07-25T07:28:00.000-05:00

So, Kid B and my daughter in law are about to embark down the long, sad, agonizingly annoying road of another deployment. Bless their souls, they are both about 21 and on their second one already. The D date is approaching fast and I hate seeing her go through all the pre-deployment build up... she is an Army brat herself, so deployments aren't new to her, its just that I can't help but think at the end of the day watching your husband leave for parts unknown, rife with danger, is something you never get used to. Wether you are 21 or 31 or 41. Wether you've been married a year or 20. Wether it is your first or last. My guess is that it always feels the same:

Gut wrenching. Fearful. Worried. Anxious. Uncertain.

Trepidation. Sadness. Exasperation. Anger.

Lonely. Oh Lord the loneliness...

Mentally and physically bracing yourself for whatever it is that will come your way in the ensuing year. Trying to be strong, trying to do it all yourself. Just trying to make it through.

And she is doing it with three small girls. I don't know how she does it, but she is a good girl and I know she will be fine. But I'll tell you what, watching her prepare, reading her Facebook updates brings back all those feelings, all the memories of those days leading up to the deployment. It puts me back in that gymnasium, choking back tears, trying to stay strong... not knowing how the following year would be, not knowing if we would come out of it for the better, ... not knowing if he would even come home. Ugh, I'm giving myself heartburn just thinking about it. I want to reach out to her, tell her it will all be okay, but of course none of us know that. I wish there was something I (we) could do other than simply offering to be there for her and the girls. But that is how these things go.

Swiss talked to Kid B yesterday, probably one of the last times until things get settled in theater, and even he didn't know what to say. From one soldier to another, it was only I love you and stay safe, send us your address once you get it. Because really, what else is there to say? It is an experience we have all been through, but it seems that no matter how many times you do it, we know there isn't anything we can do or say to make it any better. It is just something that has to be done, and all you can do is be there when it starts and gut it out until it is over.

I (we) pray that Kid B's deployment is depressingly boring and terribly uneventful even though I know that isn't what he wants. I pray for his safety, for his unit's cohesion, for strength of leadership, for keeping his nose out of places he doesn't need to be. I pray that he comes home safe and healthy, to a family that is anxiously awaiting his arrival. I pray that nothing falls apart, that everyone gets through this year with flying colors, and I pray that this year, for them, flies by.

Stay safe and come home soon Kid B.

On being a scaredy-cat.

2010-07-23T10:24:00.000-05:00

Woo Hooo!!!! The good news in our neck of the woods is that Swiss got final approval to be a JROTC instructor. This means we (and by we, I mean he) now get to call up the schools with openings and schedule interviews. Once an offer is extended, we pick is, schedule our PCS, find a place to live there and get on with getting out of the Army. Hopefully this process will also include a month or so of free time before work starts so we can spend some time with the families. Exciting, no?

Well, yes, exciting. But also nerve-wracking and bringing out my OCD tendencies in a big way. I mean, there is an Excel spreadsheet involved (which will in no way, shape, or form surprise those who know me best) for crying out loud! I think the issue lies in the simple fact that any of the options open to us are unknowns. Some are straight up enigmas to us, places we've never been or never considered living. Others are known only through the eyes of a tourist- which we all know involve rose-colored glasses. It is an interesting challenge finally having say over where you live, but still ending up having to choose a place that you frankly don't know much about. It is starting to feel like a business-as-usual Army move if you know what I mean.

Whats worse? Swiss and I have come up with a tier system of sorts for the locations we have to choose from. There was the tier one list. It only had 5 locations on it. And the two that were closest to home and family are gone. This has taught me a valuable lesson: Don't put your favorites at the top of your list because they will be gone! So now? The top of my favorite list is Bethel, Alaska. I'm hoping this hoodwinking of karma/fate works! In any event, there are still some good contenders in the top tier and if all goes as we hope, one of those will come through for us.

The challenge for me, right this minute, is that all of the other locations in the top tier are quite far from home. We are currently over 1,000 miles from home now, and it sort of sucks. All the things I got used to being only 250 miles away are gone. No weekends hanging out with Beth. No jaunts home just for kicks. No holidays with the family or meet-ups at concerts or sporting events. I worry about what that will be like for years on end. What will it be like to miss out on my best friend having her first baby? What will it feel like to miss out on most family get-togethers? How will it feel to miss out on what everyone else is doing?

I am certainly game to move far, far away. I am excited about carving out a home for us, free from some of the drama and expectations that come with being proximate to (some) family. There is an element of excitement in the adventure and unknown. New cultures, new foods, new lifestyles. But it is a challenge to find that balance of what is best for us and what is best for family. I am certainly not a believer that you make the decisions in your married life based on the others in your extended family. Especially when some show no signs of being willing to do the same for you. But where is that balance?

In any event, this decision will likely be taken out of our hands. We are dependent upon an offer and should there be only a few, that will make life and decisions easier for us. And for now, until something closer to home opens us, we are destined to move far, far away from everything we call home. Good thing the Army has already prepared us for this!

DoD gets a big fat DO BETTER: MyCAA

2010-07-20T14:26:00.003-05:00

I am sure you all have heard around the blog-o-sphere... but the DoD has reinstated the MyCAA program, only with some pretty massive changes. Here's the link directly to the press release: DOD to Resume Restructured Military Spouse Career Program

Okay, so first things first on my Bitch List (patent pending):
1. What the heck is with restricting these benefits to spouses of service members with pay grades E1 through E5, WO1-WO2 and O1-O2? That is effectively removing any Senior spouse from any benefits.

According to their press release, this segregation was put in place to help the spouses with the greatest need. I, for one, wholeheartedly disagree. Now, that isn't to say that those spouses aren't in need. It is me saying what does my spouse's rank have to do with need? Swiss is an E-8 and I, for all practical purposes, lost my hard earned career (which required extra schooling on top of my Bachelor's degree- this will be an important point in a minute) when we PCS's this last time. No jobs in the area and no other careers that would allow me to use my Cytology degree.

I am assuming that this "need" is likely financial, which I sort of get. However, I would then like to point out that for some of us with previously lucrative careers, loosing that income can have just as big of an impact on the household finances as that of any Junior spouse. Me? Leaving my job in Minnesota meant that we as a family made over $60,000.00 less this year. SIXTY THOUSAND DOLLARS. Less. Try to tell me that isn't justification for "need". To me, it is so naive to think that Senior spouses who loose careers and their families are less impacted by the lack of extra income. And it is a slap in the face to most Senior spouses who have endured tens of PCSes and have had to leave numerous jobs, resulting in resumes that look more like vacation itineraries, that their need isn't high enough because their spouse's rank is too high. In some regards, I think the senior spouses are the more likely to need the career guidance, the tweaks educational paths and the ones more in need of funding to help get new state certifications/licensure for pre-existing careers.

2. What the heck is with the funding only being available to those seeking Associates degrees, certifications or licensure?

Now, at the risk of sounding like a degree snob, rarely is an Associates degree the pathway to ANY career. Mostly, it is a pathway to a Bachelors degree- which is not permissible under this new program. If the real goal is to get spouses into portable careers that will help lend financial stability to the family and increase spouse morale... this ain't the way to do it. I fail to understand how limiting the types of degrees available to these spouses is helpful at all. What about the spouse one year away from finishing up a Bachelors degree? Too bad. What about one looking to get a Masters in Education to increase their odds of getting hired at a DoD school after their next PCS? Nope, not you! The spouse who wants to get a degree to be a therapist or counselor or social worker specifically to work with and help military families? HA! Why would the DoD help YOU?

Many of the spouses that I know who have truly portable careers, have much more than an Associates. And that isn't to say that it is impossible to get a great job/career with an Associates... but the DoD is encouraging a culture of underachieving. They are pushing spouses to get lesser degrees and maintain the norm of under-earning and flooded career paths. Not all of us can be medical transcriptionists or massage therapists. I do not approve.

I fail to see why the DoD is unwilling to let the spouses who qualify use the funds (which are fixed at $4,000 total, not to exceed $2,000/year) in any way they see fit. I would think that the end benefit from allowing these spouses get/finish advanced degrees would far outweigh any cons... and come to think of it, I can't come up with any cons. If the finances are fixed, it shouldn't matter what degree you get with that money.

And what is worse, is that the DoD is touting this as a vehicle to improve spouse morale and careers over time. Associates degrees and certifications WILL NOT do this. It is a band-aid at best on a wound that would be better served with stitches. To say it is shortsighted is not even the half of it. By targeting the younger spouses, it would make infinitely more sense to open the degree options up to the higher degrees to help create real career paths, rather than temporary ones, which is precisely what this format will do. Ask yourself: What will these spouses do in 5 years when advancement their field/career requires a Bachelors or Masters? You will have a generation of MilSpouses stalled out in entry-level careers. How is that fixing anything?

3. My biggest, over-arching problem with this re-vamp and the whole MyCAA debacle is that it is/was a failure to the greater MilSpouse community because the DoD just doesn't get it. There are promises of help and vows of caring... but the massive lack of useful, flexible, pro-active help for spouses only serves to illustrate how out of touch the DoD is with the problem

To say that they were caught off guard by the program's initial success and demand for services only goes to show that they never fully understood the MilSpouse career/education problem in the first place. I would guess that if any MilSpouse was asked if the program would be a raging success, they would have said yes without hesitation. Simply because we all understand how hard it is to get a good education or career that stays with you through years of military moves- and that the constant moves often lead to career do-overs and changes. The fact that the program was underfunded makes it ever-so apparent that the DoD has been (and still are) massively underestimating how big the issue is. Furthermore, by limiting the availability of the funding as well as the dollar amount AND the scope of its use, they aren't helping fix the problem for those who do qualify. They are only creating more of the same.

To say that I am frustrated by this turn of events is putting it mildly. I am not using this program and, frankly, even if I wanted to I couldn't (on like 3 counts). But, the bigger point is that in order to fix a problem, you first have to understand the root of it. Throwing money and restrictions at the problem will likely only lead to business as usual. Until the DoD chooses to TRULY understand why this is an issue for so many of us, why an Associates or certification isn't enough, why basing one's access to funding on their spouse's pay grade is just plain ridiculous, and that their idea of who and what a MilSpouse is (and what his/her goals might be) just might be stuck in the 50's, no augmentation to a program like this will result in true change.

I am disappointed in you DoD. It is one thing to bail on or modify promises, but it is an entirely different offense to fail (willingly or unwillingly) to understand the people you are claiming to be so committed to. It isn't help if it doesn't lead to change. And if you are so unwilling to understand our issues at their core, no number of programs, no amount of money, no level of "commitment" will ever improve the situation. So yes, you get a big fat Do Better. And don't expect a "Thank You" for the slap in the face either.

PS- for other takes on the MyCAA Hott Mess... check out the blog roll on the right. I think the top 10 are mostly posts on this very issues. The Natives are NOT happy folks! Pipe up and share you frustrations!

Home sweet home...

2010-07-19T15:04:00.000-05:00

So I've been thinking lately... we live on post, but most of my MilSpouse friends don't. Like I'd guess 90% don't. And that makes me curious.

We love living on post. Yes, Swiss's high rank allows for a larger house (though his BAH is also higher and could be used -perhaps- better off post), but we really like being close to everything here. Because we are so close to everything, it isn't an ordeal to run to the PX/Commissary/whatever and usually Swiss gets to come home for lunch. And the 'rush hours' (all 8 of them) on and off post here are RIDICULOUS so we figure it would be best to not have to mess with it. Plus we knew we wouldn't be here a whole year, so dealing with the housing office in regards to leases made a ton more sense than a landlord to us. Now, to be fair, I truly think that if we were staying in much longer or got Stop-Lossed we would still live on post. Swiss likes it and, oddly enough, so do I.

But. I know we aren't in the majority. Loads of folks live off post for a litany of reasons. Heck, most of the folks we know down here at Fort X live off post and, like I said before, most of my MilSpouse friends live off post too. So what gives?

I guess I am wondering why you choose to live off post... what is it that drives your decisions when you PCS somewhere new? Is it based on the deployment schedule, availability, location, intense desire to get away from the bugles and Humvees or do you love waking up to the sounds of Reveille and Apaches flying overhead? Does it very depending on the post you are at? Do you rent or buy if you live off post? I am super intrigued to hear your responses and reasoning!

So you tell me! You can choose multiple items in the poll... first choose where you live (one of the first 3 options) and then tell me why... either in the poll or the comments.

Rachel on Afghanistan.

2010-07-17T11:06:00.004-05:00

Regardless of your political persuasion... take 10 minutes and watch this piece by Rachel Maddow. She brings up a littany of of great points and really crystalizes many of the things I've been thinking about this war but unable to articulate. And lest you think this is some sort of liberal push... Swiss is a pretty conservative guy and he agrees 100% and thought the piece was very well done. In any event, take a few minutes, set aside any notions of partisan media or liberal sway, and watch this with an open mind, because it isn't about politics, it is about our men and women who serve and sacrifice, and if it is really worth it in the end.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

And thanks to LAW for posting this first.

Finished!

2010-07-15T10:41:00.001-05:00

So, I finished the orange and aqua quilt and I lurve it! The straight line quilting took fooooorever and it isn't perfect by any means (mostly because I haven't gotten around to purchasing a walking foot yet- for shame!) but I think that makes me love it even more... it really feels handmade and has a sort of organic vibe from the imperfections. I did the bobbin thread in orange so the back has a contrasting stitch that I am so in love with, I think that gives it a modern feel too. I'm gonna be so thrilled to give this away one day!

Anyway, on with the photos!!!

What a tease!!!

2010-07-12T15:07:00.000-05:00

So, happily Swiss nailed his JROTC interview. He did such a great job, the interviewer gave him his information and offered to be a personal reference. And though he said it would take 2 weeks to get his summary/opinion to Cadet Command, he had it there the following day. How's that for Hooah?

All this means that we should know wether or not he is accepted within a month (nothing like government efficiency, right?) and we can start applying to positions. To which we both say Goody Goody Gumdrops! We've been eyeing these positions for so long now, I've done research on every town- from crime rates to real estate to shopping, we've even planned some trips to our theoretical front-runners. (I say theoretical because many of these places we haven't actually been to, they just seem really nice.) For the longest time, there were 5 top locations as far as we were concerned... nice towns, good schools, reasonable home prices, the works... and admittedly, we were already sorta hanging our hats on those places.

And then yesterday, Swiss was reviewing the postings and two of our top 5 are gone. Poof. Vanished into the night. Sad Tucker and Swiss.

Now, in all fairness, none of these places fall into our vision of Utopia, so it isn't really *that* big of a loss... but one of the ones that got filled? It was close. Really close. I was ready to move there tomorrow. Rolling hills, horse farms, sweet little downtown area and a old time neighborhood/community feel... it would have been perfect, or as close at JROTC will let us get to perfect. But alas, not to be. I can officially say that Swiss and I were big time bummed for at least a day. We moped and pouted and lamented the loss of the future we had already started building there. I know, I know... this is what we get for getting our hopes up too soon. Ah well.

So we are sort of back to square one. Recalibrating our top 5 or 10 or whatever... trying to decide if the artificial boundaries as to what regions we would and would not live in are still appropriate (for us) or just silly. I mean, do we really want to live in Alabama or Alaska or Texas (no offense to anyone from these fine states, I just am not sure how adventurous this midwestern gal is when it comes to relocating)? In any event, heres to hoping none of our other top places disappear any time soon- or at least not until we snag one for ourselves! Keep your fingers crossed for us! And Happy Monday everyone!!!

In case you needed a visual...

2010-07-09T22:42:00.000-05:00

Have a super stellar weekend everyone!!! And let me know which of the above songs is now playing in your nugget? Me? Midnight train to Georgia... woo woo!!

Quilted for your comfort.

2010-07-09T09:29:00.000-05:00

So I've been a busy sewing bee lately. These quilts are fun to make... something about making something so utilitarian and comforting with you own two hands. In any regard, I think I am getting better, though not 'good' by any measure. In any event, here's the one I just finished...

And here are the projects in the queue...
For my Mom (Christmas)

For my MIL (again, Christmas)

For us (with the fabric I won over at FabricWorm- so lucky and so excited!!!)

For one of my lucky friends who gets preggers with a girl first. Its a stash quilt... make it and keep it til it is needed!

This is the one I am working on pining and quilting now... so yes, off I go to pin until my fingers cramp and quilt until my back aches!

Interview with a...

2010-07-07T09:46:00.001-05:00

Vampire? No.

JROTC Instructor? Yep.

So, tomorrow is a big day in the Tucker and Swiss household. Swiss has his preliminary interview for the JROTC application process. If he nails it, his application gets approved and his information will be passed on to the schools with openings in the states we have selected and we can get on with planning the rest of our lives. If not, well, our Battleship will be at least semi-sunk.

No pressure, right?

Now, I'm not worried about it per se. Swiss is a champ and quite personable, plus he has that whole "Johnny-on-the-spot" thing going for him. He interviews very well and always has the right thing to say on the tip of his tongue. (Unlike me, who once actually said "SOL" in an interview and then was asked to explain what that means. Whoopsies.) Plus he has great experience with positions like this and his record is impeccable. I am relatively confident that this interview will go well and that we will be able to move forward in the process and hopefully have concrete interviews/job offers in the coming month or two. But, if you like, feel free to send any good ju-ju our way tomorrow mid-morning!

In other Army news, Swiss's unit has hit the "glide" path for the next deployment. I suppose you are wondering why we should care, seeing as how Swiss has an approved retirement set for the end of this year... am I right? Well, the deal is this: Swiss is cutting it close as far as wether or not he will fall into the stop-loss window. Wha? You thought they did away with that pesky stop-loss thingy? Well, not really. Not for guys trying to retire! Jokes on us! In fact, the ~~douchey~~ lovely Army can still stop his retirement and keep him for an additional year (which of course would be far more than a year because of the deployment) if they deem him necessary to the unit and their mission. Hahahhahahahhah. Head*desk. And bring me a box of wine with a reeeealllly big straw. Of course there are exceptions, but none of them apply to us unless we somehow manage to get our household good shipped to a new location before the stop-loss window hits, which would require a job so send that good ju-ju for Swiss' interview please!!!

I'm, surprisingly, not freaking out just yet. Swiss claims the odds are in our favor since he's sort of an 'extra' in the unit and isn't directly responsible for anyone/anything in light of his pending retirement so the odds of him being deemed essential to the unit are low. But then again, this is the Army we are talking about and nothing is ever logical or predictable when it comes to this stuff. And you never know when he'll be tagged to take over a unit or some other insanity, thus rendering him unit essential. In any regard, I'm sort of trying to ignore this little tid-bit for the time being and will save the panic and anguish and devastation (not to mention mourning for the 'normal' life we've been fantasizing about) for a time when the situation is set in stone. Which hopefully won't ever happen. Cross them fingers folks!

So yeah, now you are all up-to-date with the insanity here. Keep that good ju-ju coming ladies... we need it!!!

** Note: If you comment and don't see it show up... its because there is something awry with blogger... but rest assured, I'm getting your comments. I am sure they will show up on the blog soon! Thanks! **

Again?

2010-07-06T18:15:00.001-05:00

Oh man the yard *just* dried out....

What the eff Fort X weather??? I can't tell what's worse... 100 degree weather or solid weeks of rain and muddy dogs/backyards.

Happy Fourth of July!

2010-07-04T09:26:00.002-05:00

Fireworks, originally uploaded by Awesomesauce Studios.

Here's wishing everyone a very wonderful Independence Day! May the food and drink be plentiful, may the fireworks be beautiful, may you all be safe and may you all remember how lucky we all are to live in this glorious country! Happy Birthday America!

And may you all have pets that make it through the thunderous onslaught of explosives without incident. Fletcher, for one, will be sedated and hopefully sleeping it off.

Happy 4th Everyone!!!

Cuteness.

2010-07-04T09:17:00.001-05:00

So a while back, Swiss, Fletcher and I hopped in the car and drove out east to a different Army post to visit Swiss's eldest son and his family. My eldest step-son (not Kid A), who we will call Kid B just to keep things simple, is married with three girls, all at the tender age of 23 (if you are struggling with the math here, Swiss adopted him when Kid B was 5, and yes, he is only 8 years younger than me). It boggles my mind and I don't know how they do it, but I digress, I'm getting off track...

While we were out there visiting, Fletcher stayed with us at their house and the three girls (who, yes, if you want to get technical are my step-granddaughters... stop laughing and pointing... I know, I'm only 31 and I have 3 grand-daughters. I don't even know what to say to this. But you are totally allowed to ridicule me mercilessly in the comments. 100% fair.) fell in love with our quirky dog. The girls played with him and were always asking where "Fwetcher" was. Tres cute.

So, on to the point of the story. Kid B and his wife bought the girls a new puppy (a cute black lab) and for the first few days they had her... the girls would only call her Fletcher instead of her real name. How cute is that? I think Fletcher would feel so honored! So yeah, big build up for a little story, but it was too cute not to share.

So that is all. And now you all know that at the ripe old age of 29 (when Swiss and I got married) I became a grandmother. Ha! In any event, I'm using this as an excuse to post photos of our cute furry baby who gets me up too early.

Wake up call.

2010-07-01T13:21:00.000-05:00

Holy crap! It is July 1st. Already.

Did you know that we could be officially out of the Army in as little as 14 weeks? FOURTEEN WEEKS!!!!??!?!?!?!!??!?!?! WTF? Where did the time go? No, seriously? What happened to it?

Dude. We have no plans. NONE! Directionless!!! Oh okay, to be fair, we have plans, just nothing concrete yet. Applications are in, we are waiting on scheduling some interviews for JROTC jobs which should (fingers crossed, knock on wood, etc) yield a job offer or two. Something solid should come up in the next month or two and then the plans will start to fall into place. I hope. I mean, I really, really, really hope.

Now, the back up plan is that we just stay in until his actual ETS date (December) instead of leaving early and using up vacation as terminal leave. That tidbit soothes my neurotic, over-planning, beginning to panic little soul. But the shock of it all sort of hit me full-bore today when I flipped the calendar. Wow.

Yes, this is all exciting and the promise of a 'normal' life of our own choosing is titillating. But the not knowing and my nearly obsessive need to start planning things MONTHS ahead of time? Killing. Me. I actually suggested to Swiss that we get things moving on lining up movers and whatnot. Then I stopped and said, wait... how can we plan and organize movers if we don't know where we are moving to? Cue panicked breathing. Well, not really. But close.

I've been working on the job/career hunt too- but all of that seems a bit premature given that we don't have a location yet. I mean, how much time and effort do you put into planning grad school applications when not every town on the options list has schools with those programs? And how much time do you log into each state's education website trying to navigate the madness when you don't even know if you'll end up there? But I'm not complaining... just noting that the logistics of planning a life when you don't know the setting can be a bit daunting.

In any regard, we are balls to the wall here, trying to get our post-Army plans in order. The biggest consolation is that since Swiss is retiring, there will be a paycheck every month come rain or shine. Which means, if need be, we could have a really nice place in a van down by the river. Hahahahhahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa head*desk. I can't tell if I'm laughing or crying... but all my unnecessary dramatics aside, things are going to get crazy here again, are y'all game for the ride?

When did this become Florida?

2010-06-29T14:59:00.001-05:00

This week's forecast... Behold.

I do not approve. That is all. Carry on.

Stuff.

2010-06-27T15:01:00.001-05:00

Okay, so art class was a rousing success. The class is tiny (just me and one other Army wife) and the very sweet teacher. He is quite talented and not nearly as restricting as the previous instructor I had. I totally dig it and can't wait to go back this week. It is really just what I needed and I'm so stoked I found this place!

Also, Saturday we went with some friends to a total stranger's house for a BBQ. This woman and her husband were perfectly nice and had a beautiful home... but she took conservatism to a level I've never seen/heard in person before: She told the folks we were with that they shouldn't let their 3 month old son watch Law & Order because of all the liberal propaganda they sneak in the show... CSI is a way better choice. This made me giggle- regardless of your politics this is just plain silly. Also, she HATES "those stupid new-fangled lightbulbs they are forcing us to buy" (meaning compact fluorescent), because it is a government conspiracy and THEY HAVE MERCURY IN THEM! Again, giggles. But I digress. Just had to share those little gems.

I heart the Argentinian soccer team. Mostly because I've always loved Lionel Messi (in a totally non-sexual way) and secretly think Diego Maradona is awesomesauce. But more than anything? That team gives me a bad, bad case of hair envy. Am I jealous that a team of men have more luscious flowing locks of thick hair than I do? Yep. And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Lastly, the battle of the lawn has finally won at Casa de Tucker and Swiss. The guilt of having the only crunchy tan yard on the road has finally gotten to Swiss so we bought a soaker hose today. I am not particularly fond of this policy (especially since the acres of mowed lawn beyond our fence are all tan and crunchy too) but so it must be. At least we aren't putting all that H2O airborne and losing some of it to evaporation. Somehow this does make me feel better. In any event, gone will be the days (and weeks) of not having to mow the lawn because it is all mostly dormant and now we enter the grueling dedication of lawn-waterers everywhere.

That is all the news that is fit to print. Perhaps the 4th of July ridiculousness will bring more exciting material? All I know is that we already bought Fletcher his big box of Benadryl because the poor thing might have to be sedated all week long. :(

Art classes, World Cup, Morons and Onions.

2010-06-22T14:04:00.000-05:00

My apologies, I am going to subject you all to more randomness. I'm afraid it can't be helped with the current state of my mind...

First off, I am SUPER geeked because I'm starting oil painting classes here on Thursday. I've been wanting to do this ever since we moved down here and a new studio opened up just minutes from the house. And they give military discounts. So excited I could tinkle. But I won't.

Second, I'm totally entranced by the World Cup. I mean, SO much more fun than all the other "World Championships" that are really only American teams. Also, I love the Spanish team and have a crush on Lionel Messi. I want to carry him around in my pocket. I know, weird.

Third- WTF General McChrystal? I am sure this topic warrants further delving into, more time and many more words. But I couldn't get past the first 2 pages of the terribly indulgent article. I mean, first off, the man admits that Talladega Nights is his favorite move and that Bud Light Lime is his favorite beer? Double WTF. But more importantly, what the hell does this say about our leadership in this war? Would I be lying if I said it didn't make me cringe that he is leading the troops over there with that massive dick-swinging attitude of his? Yep. I've even heard rumors that the only reason he took that job (he was considering retiring when the President offered him this position) was to eventually f*ck over the administration. Now, that might be way out of line... but then again, after some of the choice quotes from this article? Might not be all that far off. Suffice it to say, I'm dissapointed, disgusted, and my eyes haven't yet rolled forward from the back of my head. Do better man. Do effing better. And... it would serve you right if you got your own ass fired.

Lastly, the hubs has invited some of the guys he works with over for lunch next week. He does this lots. Partly because he wants me to meet these folks, and partly (his own admission) to brag up my cooking skills. Aside from making me feel like a culinary rock star, it poses some challenges when the lunch guests have food-based issues. I, for one, have no food based issues. If it tastes good, I'll eat it. Except baby cows and organ meats. But, one of the guys for next week? No onions. Whaaaaa??? Dude, I put onions in like everything. Really, every lunch recipe I make has onions in it. So now I have to make "special" guacamole and "special" salsa with no onions in it (sacrilegious if you ask me) and chop up extras for the normal folk. I think I am just sort of shocked by the sheer number of weird food issues that are out there... am I hopelessly out of touch thinking that most people will eat generally anything???

Okay, that is all. But really, this weekend you should all consider going to see Get Him to the Greek. I'm still laughing about it two days later...

A list.

2010-06-21T09:18:00.001-05:00

This will be short:

1). I am trying to think outside the box in regards to this career/identity mess I find myself in. I am entirely indebted to one Hilary Fish for giving me some great suggestions and getting me out of my own way. She rocks the casbah. So there is researching going on, and lots of thinking, and I'm feeling a bit better about all of it. Its a good thing.

2). Don't let anyone tell you there are time constraints on reintegration issues. There just aren't. Some crop up right away, some linger, some wait until the honeymoon is over. Just FYI.

3). Stay at home wifery ain't all it is cracked up to be. I'm starting to feel like a caged animal. I need to get out. I need people that I get to talk to face to face. I need goals that aren't a) clean the kitchen, b) do the laundry or c) find a way to not get bored. I'm thinking our retirement date & move cannot come fast enough... and neither can my trip to Hawaii with my best friend.

4.) Is it just me or are military towns cultural and culinary wastelands (save Fort Lewis)? If it ain't a chain, and it ain't a movie theater- we ain't got it. That makes me sad and doesn't help with the boredom.

5). This insane summer heat at Fort X really takes the fun out of summer. I've never spent more time inside than I have this summer. Not a fan.

6.) Go see Get Him to the Greek. Especially if you liked Forgetting Sarah Marshall (a personal Fave). It is hilarious and awesomesauce and when you leave, you'll be singing along to "Furry Walls". Well worth the price of admission.

Okay, thus endeth my bitching/randomness. I'll try to put on my happy pants tomorrow!

Dad's Day.

2010-06-20T07:43:00.000-05:00

Happy Father's day to the best Dad I could have ever hoped for. I miss you and love you Dad!

Crisis of Identity

2010-06-16T00:04:00.000-05:00

First, let me say this: I realize how lucky, fortunate, privileged and blessed I am that I get to bitch about such topics. I know there are folks without jobs, folks who can only dream of not having to work, folks who are dying a little inside because they can't quit their jobs and do something different. I get all of that full stop. I get that, to some, this post will be whiny and you all will have every right to be entirely unsympathetic. But since it is my blog, I'm gonna whine about it anyway. Mmkay? So read on at your own risk.

Phew. Now that's out of the way... here's what's on my mind: I don't know who I am or what my direction is anymore. I mean, I know who I am. I'm me, not too different than the me from a year ago or the year before that. My morals and ideals and quirks are all still intact. It's just the direction, the drive, the confidence, the sureness that are gone. I used to know what I wanted to be, I used to be sure that I could attain it, be successful, I used to have confidence that what I was doing was good, I used to be at peace with my career choices because I was doing important things, I was good at it, and I was making money. Shallow? Maybe, but it got me through. Those things got me through a job I didn't always love, a job that stuffed my creativity in a box, and a job where I had maxed out the career ladder after 6 years in.

Now? Now I am a housewife, contributing nothing to the family (money-wise at least), nothing to this world of any real value, and not sure where to go next. I find myself no longer excited about the prospect of reinventing my career... no, now I find myself terrified into inaction. I've been a bundle of excuses, half-efforts and hesitation. Worse yet? I find myself wholly without confidence in my ability to be successful at anything other than my previous career. And that is a horrible feeling.

For the past few months, I've been stumbling and bouncing back and forth between the world of academia, the world of laboratories and cubicles, the likely careers, the dream careers, and the do-it-myself road. I am without a map, without direction. I am familiar with all these places, yet none of them are home... I feel like a stranger in all of them. Like I don't belong... well, I belong just enough to fit it, but not enough to become one with that place. Like I could fake it and squeak along, roll with the punches, just get by... but never really settle in. I know that keeping my old career means a solid income, it means fulfilling the promise of the degrees I worked so hard for, it means doing something important with my days. But I also know leaving that behind would open the doors to new careers, art, design, photography- creative ventures that I have always longed for... but, in turn, that might mean little to no income, it might mean no one would buy my work or services, it might mean failure on a spectacular level. I have a degree in another field, but no matter what I do I can't get a job there... even though that is probably what would make me happiest. I could go back to school... but for what? To what end? Would that piece of paper entice my confidence into coming home? Somehow I doubt it. It feels like all I have in front of me are mediocre compromises and opportunities for failure.

I guess I just wish I either had it all to do over again or that I could get my mojo back. Since I know that former won't happen unless a time machine shows up on our stoop in the morning, I guess the best path is to focus on the things I can change. I just don't know how to find my direction, how to find what the best answer is to a problem that truly has no wrong or right. I could be a money-losing artist and Swiss would be happy if I was happy. But I don't know if never bringing money into the household, not being a success would crush my spirit (I suspect it would) and render me unhappy. I fear (read: know) I need those things to feel like I'm doing something with my life. Maybe that is the issue. Maybe my self-worth is too closely tied to conventional measures of success. Maybe the success is me loving what I do... and maybe me loving what I do will translate into my work and bring the conventional trappings of success along with them. Then again, that is probably a bunch of delusional swill.

But it is late, my mind is already too full of half-thoughts, outlandish ideas, and doomsday scenarios... and I'm keeping the dog awake. Perhaps morning will bring clarity, confidence and mojo back my way (can anyone recommend some sort of fairy/elf/sorceress who deals in these things?). Perhaps not. But maybe, just maybe, talking about this and figuring out what the real crux of the issue is will get me there too. In any event, thanks for listening.

Entitled?

2010-06-10T20:58:00.002-05:00

Cross posted from LeftFace... go check out some of our other writer's takes on this topic!

HELL YES. Yes, we are entitled. Period. End of sentence.

Then again, maybe deserving is the better term. Certainly sounds less undeserving and snooty, don’t you think???

When I hear stories like the one posted here about the Marine’s family (the one Tom Rick’s re-posted on his blog and raised the ire of some commenters) having to beg to get home with their fallen soldier, when I hear stories about families falling through the cracks because of too few services, spouses giving up hard-earned careers to PCS from installation to installation every 3-ish years with no real help on the horizon, when I hear about programs getting yanked (Hello MyCAA!) without proper notice and without regard for those affected… I get angry. Not because I am a MilSpouse and those issues affect me too. Not because I think any of these programs are The Best Ever. Not because I think that we are better than our civilian counterparts. And not because my family or I use any of these programs. (Which, for the record, do not.) But because someone made a promise to us… someone said what you do, what you endure, what you experience as a MilSpouse warrants a bit of help, warrants a helping hand when your spouse’s career and the Greater Good stacks the deck against you in nearly every way (home life, marriage, parenting, friendships, career, sanity), warrants programs that help you because you are stationed 1,200 miles away from the family & friends that would normally lend a hand, warrants the respect and compassion of the civilian world who really have NO idea what it is like to be one of us. And they were right.

I think we (Military Families) have earned these programs and the respect of the American Public and I don’t think for one minute that we are out of line when we expect these things to be there for us. I think we are justified in our rage over the indifference of the American Public, I think we are right to expect a little bit of help when we put our spouse’s career (and, again the Greater Good) ahead of all else, I think we are even, sometimes, warranted in our isolation from the civilian world (really, how many times can you suffer through a conversation where someone just doesn’t get it and refuses to try?), and, in case you were wondering, also think that sometimes we are wrong. But I digress.

Saying we ‘deserve’ all this or that we have earned it may reek of entitlement but it’s the honest truth. Why? Because we are different, our lives are different. No matter which way you slice it, we are different from our civilian spouse counterparts. What we do, what our families do, what our spouses do is more dangerous, more treacherous, more risky, more honorable than any (okay, most) of the civilian families out there. What we sacrifice, what we deal with (on a nearly annual basis, not to mention training), what our spouses do is just plain different. We don’t have the choices they do, we don’t have the latitude, we don’t have the control over our lives like they do. We are servants of the DoD. By choice. So they don’t have to be. So yeah, we deserve it. And we earned it.

Of course, we volunteered for this, yes, we chose this life. BUT. That is the point. We did what no one wanted to do. We stood up and said, WE will bear this burden for you. We said its okay for you to stay home in your safe and cozy subdivision with your picket fence and American Dream, we’ll do annual deployments, sustain a marriage over the phone, run a household alone, miss holidays, miss births, cram in weddings on R&R, all while living in fear of a dark sedan, a knock on the door and a future as a Gold Star family.

Did I know what I was getting into? Hell no. I had no idea what I was in for. I just knew I loved a man who happened to be in the Army. But this whole ‘choosing’ business really sticks in my craw. The American Public should be grateful, relieved and revere those who CHOSE to do this so they wouldn’t have to. And for the record, if choosing means I loose my right to whine about it, then I don’t want to hear you whine about your kids or your husband or your job, because after all, you choose them. But, again, I digress.

In light of all this, it is so sad that we get grief over the programs that are out there to support us. When we (rightfully) complain about programs that are either not in place and should be or are taken away, we get called entitled and chided for asking for handouts. To that I say BACK THE TRUCK UP. After all our families sacrifice, it shouldn’t kill anyone to give us a few extra dollars to go back to school and scrape out a new career that may travel with us on our next PCS (which makes the communities we live in better and stronger). It seems perfectly reasonable to have programs or volunteers who offer actual help to our families, from marriage counseling, therapy, childcare, house/yardwork, and some tax-free income. It seems downright silly to question a year of tax-free salaries when the trade-off is bullets, IEDs, suicide bombers, overflowing Port-A-Potties, dead birds in your dining hall, MRE’s, sand in places sand has no business being in and missing out on a year in the life you built for yourself. I’d say we even deserve a bit more. And, it wouldn’t hurt if more than 3 people would stand up on a flight of over 100 and say, here, have my seat, your loved one gave his life for our country and for the betterment of the lives of others (so I didn’t have to), I can change my plans so that you can accompany his body home for his funeral.

If that makes us entitled… then fine, I’m okay with it. Last time I checked no one was asking for free vacations to Hawaii, 80” flat screen TVs and sports cars in every car port (because our “free” housing doesn’t come with garages or basements and they always share walls)… we are asking for support, we are asking for help when the cards are against us, we are asking for the respect that has been earned. And I don’t think that’s asking too much. Period.

*Caveat: Of COURSE there are soldiers/familes/spouses that maybe aren’t on the up-and-up, of course there are some that are despicable and unreasonable, but they aren’t the norm (thankfully).

Be awesome.

2010-06-08T08:51:00.000-05:00

A little NPH wisdom for your Tuesday morning. Things are still insane-o here, but I have a few rants in my head prepping for blog-posts once company leaves and things get back to normal. In the meantime? Be Awesome, Not Sad.

Funny, but also awesome.

2010-06-06T21:02:00.000-05:00

Tongue in cheek? Absolutely. But also? Secretly true. I hope you all feel this way about yourselves deep down inside! :)

I promise to post more soon, we have family in town and a wedding and some hospital drama and yeah, not enough time for blogging. Have a stellar start to your week and always remember how brilliant and amazing you are.

Memorial Day, 2010.

2010-05-29T15:16:00.002-05:00

Arlington National Cemetary, originally uploaded by Awesomesauce Studios.

"The 30th day of May is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village, and hamlet church-yard in the land. In this observance no form of ceremony is prescribed, but posts and comrades will in their own way arrange such fitting services and testimonials of respect as circumstances may permit.

We are organized, comrades, as our regulations tell us, for the purpose among other things, "of preserving and strengthening those kind and fraternal feelings which have bound together the soldiers, sailors, and marines who united to suppress the late rebellion." What can aid more to assure this result than cherishing tenderly the memory of our heroic dead, who made their breasts a barricade between our country and its foes? Their soldier lives were the reveille of freedom to a race in chains, and their deaths the tattoo of rebellious tyranny in arms. We should guard their graves with sacred vigilance. All that the consecrated wealth and taste of the nation can add to their adornment and security is but a fitting tribute to the memory of her slain defenders. Let no wanton foot tread rudely on such hallowed grounds. Let pleasant paths invite the coming and going of reverent visitors and fond mourners. Let no vandalism of avarice or neglect, no ravages of time testify to the present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten as a people the cost of a free and undivided republic.

If other eyes grow dull, other hands slack, and other hearts cold in the solemn trust, ours shall keep it well as long as the light and warmth of life remain to us.

Let us, then, at the time appointed gather around their sacred remains and garland the passionless mounds above them with the choicest flowers of spring-time; let us raise above them the dear old flag they saved from hishonor; let us in this solemn presence renew our pledges to aid and assist those whom they have left among us a sacred charge upon a nation's gratitude, the soldier's and sailor's widow and orphan."

-JOHN A. LOGAN,
Commander-in-Chief
General Orders No.11, WASHINGTON, D.C., May 5, 1868
___________________________________________________
May you all take a moment to remember what this day is really all about. To remember those who have served, those who have lost, those who have given all or part of themselves to serving their country. Remember all of the wars, all of the conflicts, all of the generations touched by the noble, honorable, brave men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice in the service of our great country and in the name of freedom.

I, for one, will always be grateful to and humbled by these selfless men and women.

Pimping out homecomings.

2010-05-26T08:28:00.001-05:00

I got to thinking... and my thinking got me to formulating a blog post, and this post will likely ruffle some feathers, so my thinking might get me in a spot of trouble. That being said, please don't be offended dear readers! I'm not speaking specifically to anyone and I'm really just trying to explore this topic and how we share and what we share and where the lines in the sand are for each of us.

So, Pioneer Woman is doing one of her photography assignments, which I love even though she never picks mine (but she did pick one of Brits!). Apparently the 'happiness' assignment last week garnered a ton of military homecoming posts, so this week's assignment is coming home. Specifically, the military kind (though near as I can tell other non-military permutations of the theme are allowed). And oh, are there submissions. Like coming out of the woodwork. (Sort of made me feel like we were a much bigger community than we really are! Crazy!).

Now, even though I'm a MilSpouse and we just had a homecoming and I am a total photography junkie... I don't have a submission to send in. Are you shocked? Well, I will tell you why. First- practicality. I didn't know anyone when I PCS'd down here so when Swiss came home shortly thereafter I didn't have anyone to come with me to photograph it- his family didn't come down either, so I was flying solo. Second- weather. It was raining and cold and crappy and muddy and the whole shin-dig was outside. This doth not a pretty scene make. Thirdly- and most importantly (to me)- privacy. Plain and simple, that was an epic moment between Swiss and I that I just couldn't bear to share with anyone else, let alone strangers.

See, I'm VERY protective of that moment. That was the culmination of a suck-tastic year... so much time apart, so much heartache and difficulties, so much worry and fear and the emotional roller coaster... that homecoming ceremony, that moment when we were reunited was something precious we both earned with sweat, tears and 365 days/ 7,000 miles of distance. I sort of feel like sharing that moment with anyone is letting them get all the good of a deployment (at least the feel-good buzz and warm fuzzy feeling) without putting in any of the work. I know that might seem ridiculous to many of you, but there it is. That was, and always will be, OUR moment. Not for public consumption. Not for pimping. Not for awards. Not for blog comments. Not to make anyone else feel good. Not to drive home some point about these wars. Ours. Alone. Because we earned it.

Is that 84 shades of over-dramatic? Some might think so... and of course y'all are entitled to that, without a doubt. But there is just something about seeing all these photos pouring into the blog-o-sphere that makes me cringe. Sure, they are touching and emotional and offer a window into our lifestyle that many don't get to see. But maybe that is the issue. They don't get to see the nights waiting by the phone, feverishly checking e-mails, they don't get to see the panic when a dark sedan rolls past the house a little too slowly for comfort, or the fear when there is a knock at the door. They don't get to see the nights you lay awake crying because all you want in this whole world is just to feel him close again, smell him, hold him. They don't get to watch us struggle with managing an entire household, a family alone. Nor do they get to watch us feverishly put together care packages and write letters because it is all you can do and you just have to stay busy or it will consume you. They don't see the lonely nights alone, the missed holidays, the spectacular crashes so many of us feel after R&Rs. They don't see all the things that go into that homecoming. They are spectacular because of the year that preceded them and all that the couple endured, together. They are spectacular because they aren't superfluous, there is weight and meaning behind them, they are spectacular because they were hard-fought, they were earned.

Have you noticed that we don't share the crappy stuff (except with each other)? When strangers ask, "How do you do it?" we always reply, with a shrug and some easy, practiced comment about how we just do. We rarely ask for help during deployments... we bear that burden -mostly- alone. Camera crews don't show up to document how hard deployments are on families and no one orders a photo shoot to capture just how sucky that time was. (Can you just imagine? A photographic reminder of all the sad, lonely nights on the couch with the dog and a glass- or 3- of wine? DEPRESSING!) Why won't we let the public see the crappy stuff, but when they ask for the glorious, hard-earned, emotional, intensely personal homecoming p0rn, we send the photos flying out the door faster than you can say "Cheese!"?

Is it pride? Is it some sort of statement- political or otherwise? Is it just about sharing? Or... is it the attention? The blog numbers bump? The publicity? (Gaw, I'm so cynical!) What is it that makes so many of us share these intensely personal moments, in great detail, with perfect strangers and non-military folks? Just looking at the photos on the flickr page makes me feel a little pervy and like a Peeping Tom. Knowing how I feel about our homecoming, seeing photos of other's out there leaves me feeling a little dirty, like I saw something I shouldn't have been privy to. Yet, there they are, on tremendously public sites like flickr or the Pioneer Woman... willingly, enthusiastically put our there for anyone and everyone to see. Like its no big deal. Its almost as if the MilSpouses of the world took this 'recognition' from a civilian blogger and were so wanting to be included and made to feel special that they couldn't toss those personal moments into the ring fast enough. I'm certain that isn't the case for all of them, but I'd be willing to bet its the case for many.

I am sure I offended some of you, and that wasn't my intention at all. We are, obviously, all free to do whatever we choose and we are allowed to disagree. I'm mostly just trying to understand the whys and wherefores behind sharing these moments. What is it about sharing these photographs that makes you want to do it? What do you get out of it? Are there any of you who have shared them and wished they hadn't - or vice versa? How do you feel when you see other's photos of homecomings? I'm tremendously interested in how people choose to share and what they choose to share- it is always a fine line- especially for us bloggers and Facebook users. So, please, tell me what you think about all of this, even if you think I'm nuts!!!

Lawns, watering & futility.

2010-05-25T12:35:00.000-05:00

Okay, so Fort X is in the 'south'. It is hot here already. We've been in the 90s for about a month now. And it is only going to get worse. Summertime averages are hovering in the 100's. I'm not complaining about the temps though - at least not yet. But here IS my beef: the housing folks here insist on everyone having lush green lawns, and in order to make that happen in the face of 6 straight months of 80+ degree weather with peaks in the 110's, you have to water your lawn. HAVE TO. Its only the end of May and ours is already showing signs of brown crispiness. Tres unattractive.

But you know what? I loathe watering lawns. Loathe. Not only is it a huge (HUGE!) waste of water, but it actually makes the grass less strong, have weaker roots and more susceptible to drought. Once you start, you can't stop until fall or you decide you don't mind having a crunchy carpet of tan in the back yard. Its a vicious and unnecessary cycle I'd just rather not be a part of. But the housing folks here insist we water. So water we must. Against all my better judgement and all the numbers...

Dig this: the average 1,000 square foot lawn 'requires' 8 inches of water a month during the growing season (our state averages- using the high figures- 2.6" per month- its usually way less than that), that means over the course of one month, ONE family would use just shy of 5,000 gallons of water. That adds up to over 30,000 gallons JUST during spring and summer. THIRTY THOUSAND gallons of water. For just your lawn. Do the math, according to the post housing office, there are around 6,000 homes here. 6,000 x 30,0000 = 180 MILLION GALLONS. In six months. (For reference, that is about 272 Olympic sized pools) And Fort X claims to be all about the water conservation... tell them your toilet is running or your faucet is leaking? They'll be out ASAP on an emergency maintenance call, BUT... you still have to water your lawn daily.

Hunh?

I, for one, would have LOVED to see Fort X have nice, soft pea gravel back yards (my friend had one in Phoenix and it was perfectly lovely- though the pool did help), we wouldn't have to mow all the time (and therefore we wouldn't have to send out the neighborhood CO to shake his finger at the homes who aren't mowing frequently enough), they are virtually maintenance free, no bald spots from Spot running circles in the yard, and no watering. Now, I suppose there would be a milliondy high-maintenance families screeching about how there's no grass for their kidlets to frolic in. To which I would say, People, we practically live in the desert. Get over it. (Or, if you are nicer than I am, you could set aside a few lush grassy areas in each neighborhood to give the grass lovers their fix.)

Anyway, this is the bug that is in my craw. I am awaiting the nasty-gram stuck in our door because we aren't watering the lawn and it is slowly turning brown. But, deep down, I also don't want to get sacked with the fees for replacing an entire yard's worth of sod (not that it is a grassy yard, though, it is mostly weeds that we MUST water). So fight on I will, and try to get by on the bare minimum watering possibly allowed. May the force be with me!

A house divided.

2010-05-25T09:26:00.000-05:00

Well, not really. We aren't really THAT divided. Only on a few key issues (Democrat vs. Republican is the biggest and causes much gnashing of teeth)... but the one that is currently driving me up the wall to a chorus of nails on blackboards? Planner vs. last-minuter. I would be the planner of the bunch. Sadly, most of Swiss's family falls into the last-minuter category.

For example: We have a family wedding to go to in early June. We knew about the wedding, but only got the invites with the final dates late last week (replete with ambiguous times like 'at sunset'... does that mean the ceremony is precisely at the time for sunset listed in moon-phase charts or is there a more specific time everyone knows about except us?). Ummm, its late May. I'm pretty sure our wedding invites were out like 3 month prior to the event. But I digress. Aside from being given zero information about hotels (its an out-of-towner) and spending a few hours of my day hunting down hotels presumably near the wedding location, I've been desperately trying to find a kennel for Mr. Fletcher.

I'm hoping I can garner some sympathy from the pet-owners out there because this was SO much harder than I thought it would be. We had a perfectly WONDERFUL place for him to be boarded at back in Minnesota and it was always just so easy. Here? Some places only take the dogs out 3 times a day. Others are 100% indoors. One makes you get Bordetella vaccinations every 6 months even though Vets only recommend doing it once a year (and naturally we fall outside the 6 month window). And better yet, I found one that doesn't allow any pick-ups on Saturdays OR Sundays? Wha??? Anyway, I finally tracked down a kennel with their acts together and wouldn't you know it. Already booked up. EFF.

Now, if you recall this post, you know that this isn't a new issue for us, the ongoing battle of planner and fly-by-your-seater. And at least this one wasn't either of our faults. But COME ON. I am currently in a holding pattern that will either get us a pricey individual cottage kennel in the next town up (rather inconvenient as this will have Fletcher in the back seat of the Altima with my MIL and I for at least a half hour, yikes!) or just taking him with us (our hotel is pet friendly) but that just sounds like a horrible idea since it is a wedding and you never know how long this stuff lasts and would involve Fletch in the back seat with my MIL and I for 3 hours. Ugh.

I can honestly say that, coming from a family of planners (to the nth degree often), the lack of planning by the other half of family in your life really is enough to drive you to drink. Do any of you suffer from this affliction? How do you manage and how do you get all your planning in without being the anal-retentive one constantly pestering folks for dates? Or do you just say screw it and pester away? What is the best way to avoid these situations short of demanding dates and lots of stomping of the feet? Okay, well I am off to twiddle my thumbs until the doggie cottage place calls me back. Wish me luck folks!

Camera strap cover.

2010-05-24T14:27:00.002-05:00

Camera strap cover, originally uploaded by Awesomesauce Studios.

Well, since I got all existential on you about being a housewife, I thought I'd post some more pics of the fruits of my labor... or what I've been doing when I haven't been doing the dishes. I got the tutorial from Cluck, Cluck, Sew and it worked like a dream! I just slid it over the existing strap, though there are ways to replace the old strap all-together (Go LopsidedMom!). Anyway, it was fun and I knocked it out in an hour, between laundry, cooking AND dishes. Suck on that housewifery!!!

Stay at home wifery.

2010-05-24T10:31:00.000-05:00

Aaah, the perils of being a non-working former working gal. Let me first say that I 100% recognize how incredibly lucky I am to be in a position where I don't have to work and our household income is still plenty sufficient to live the life we like. So yes, I am in full understanding of the fact that I am lucky that I get to whine about such inane things. Hopefully that will prevent your eyes from rolling back so hard they get stuck...

Okay, back on point. Stay at home wifery. I find this to be an entirely odd 'profession' where I am constantly negotiating the line between lazy-useless-good-for-nothing and industrious-June-Cleaver-uberhousewife. Neither are a good thing, I don't want to be the wife who stays at home all day and still lives in a pig sty with no clean underwear and 2 weeks worth of dishes rotting away in the sink. I also don't want to indulge my OCD tendencies and become the sort of housewife that has nary a throw pillow out of place and no traceable specs of unruly dust floating through the house. Swiss isn't fond of either incarnation and let's be real here, neither of those extremes are likely to happen anyway.

What I'm having trouble with is the day to day choices. If there are dishes in the sink (dishes are still Swiss's chore because I loathe them and Swiss loves me) and I choose to quilt or paint or blog, am I being a bad housewife? Should housework and cooking and laundry always trump the multitude of other ways I could spend my days? How do I deal with the nagging voice in the back of my head telling me I'm being lazy when I suggest going out to dinner rather than cooking? How do I reconcile the days when I just cannot bring myself to vacuum or dust or put away the laundry for the nth day in a row so I watch the Food Network and HGTV and blog? And just how ridiculous is it that I have this inner turmoil over being a good housewife when Swiss could care less?

See, I am used to having tasks to do, I am used to work, I am used to having to show some sort of proof of my accomplishments on any given day. To me, if the house isn't reasonably fabulous, I must have been slacking because an imperfect house means I can't point to the tangible things I've done. A quilt isn't what stay at home wives do, cleaning is. A witty blog post only means I wasn't spending my time buffing the linoleum. Ridiculous, right?

I am mostly good at moving past this silly little ear bug, but man, there are days when I feel like doing the things I want to do with this gift of a year off is nothing short of selfish and when Swiss has to go to work all day, the least I can do is have a spotless house for him to come home to. Even though he doesn't care. Seriously, someone please slap me! Thankfully this is one of my quirks that I alone have to deal with, and it is one that is *usually* easy enough to move past. Because when you have 15 different sewing projects gnawing away at your brain, the vacuuming can always wait. Right?

My quest for creativity... part quilts.

2010-05-20T09:59:00.000-05:00

DUDES! I made a quilt. Actually, two of them. QUILTS! Like sewing and math and it actually came together as something rectangular (mostly) in shape and perfectly wonderful for snuggling in. Can you tell I am super proud of myself? See, I am no sewer, I never had a whole lot of direction/instruction, so I mostly did this in a learn-as-you-go process and I am beyond geeked that it actually worked. So geeked, in fact, that I quickly started up some baby quilts for a pregnant friend I'll be visiting this fall. Anywhoodles, on to the photographic evidence that I'm not making this stuff up!

First up- my quilt. I made it from all my old college tees that I don't wear anymore but just can't bear to part with (I'm hopelessly sentimental and secretly a total pack-rat). And can I just say that jersey is hard to work with? But it still worked out well and the back is flannel so it is super awesome to curl up with. Also, its big enough for two people to snuggle on the couch under... and no fear of your toes ending up cold because the blanket is too skimpy. So, yes HOORAY for me!

Also, Fletcher approves of the blanket. This is his highest form of compliment.

Next, the baby quilt! I LOVED doing this one. Mostly because it was smaller and inordinately easier to manage on my non-quilt specific sewing machine. Also, I 'discovered' the disappearing 9s pattern idea thingy online... fabulous! And easier than any sort of quilting has any right to be. The hardest part was finding boy material that wasn't cammo, tractor, or sports team based. But I am rather pleased with the outcome!

Here's the final beauty shot... just before I put on the dreaded binding (my least favorite part).

Okay, so that concludes my show-and-tell today. I can honestly say that all this creativity DOING is doing me a world of good. Plus, it feels a lot better to walk away from a day with this as your work rather than piles of laundry and vacuumed floors!

Sad, sappy sack.

2010-05-18T12:50:00.001-05:00

Aah, bugger. I hate it when the sad sappies strike. You never know when or where, you don't know what will trigger them, and once they are there... there's no denying them. *sigh*

The other night it was hearing Swiss whistle the way my always Grandpa did... he was a whistler. The kind of whistle that has a subtle warble, vibrato thingy to it. We were watching Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings together and he whistled along with the happy music from the scenes in the Shire and the tears came. Slow and steady... I miss that man so very much. I miss so many things from life PreD (pre-Deployment)...

I miss how life was before then. We had a home, we lived together, my family was whole (mostly), my friends were close, my life was 'normal'... or at least normal as I knew it. So much has changed in the last year plus. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by them all... and here I thought life PostD would be easy and breezy without a care in the world. Ha!

As I heard Swiss whistle... the memory of the phone call in the San Fransisco Airport came flooding back. Calling home to see how the family was doing... hearing from my dad that my grandfather, my last grandparent, had a stroke, a very bad one and was in the hospital. I remember the instant tears that came flooding in, hot and unrelenting. I remember the fear and worry that I might never see him again. I remember thinking that it couldn't possibly be his time yet.

The I remembered rushing home to Wisconsin as soon as I arrived back from the airport. I remember packing up the dog and my dirty clothes and driving through the night just to get home. I remember recounting all the wonderful memories I had of my dear, sweet, kind Grandfather... the laughs, the silliness, the wisdom, the quirks, the love. I remember worrying about my Mom and how hard it was to see him in the hospital, hard to watch him suffer. I remember him trying SO hard to talk, to let us know he loved us. I remember doing everything in my power to keep it together for him. I remember thinking over and over again- it isn't his time. It can't be.

But it was. And it was horrible, and it was one of those times you so desperately want your spouse home (curse you deployment!). So they can help bear the burden of your pain and hurt and loss. So they can be the ones to comfort you and ease you through the rough spots. I remember not wanting to weight my Mom down with my emotions, trying to be strong for her. And I remember looking back, after it was all done, wondering what had happened to the person I was just a short year ago.

Those are the times you look in a mirror and see someone new staring back at you. You see the same face, the same features, but they are almost imperceptibly hardened, reinforced, steeled. You find that you don't react the way you once did to the litany of things that come flying your way. You find that you, even at the age of 31, have changed in a slight but profound way. Maybe it is innocence leaving, maybe it is naiveté vanishing, maybe it is just the toll of sending a loved on to war- the natural wear and tear of such a stressful and all-encompassing thing. But sometimes, I find myself wishing for the person I used to be to come back. I miss the utter honesty of my emotions- I wasn't ever the girl who could keep her feelings in, I cried, I laughed, I reacted with quasi-composed abandon. I miss the innocence I had, about how challenging life really is, I miss the blissfully deluded world I used to live in.

---

But here I sit, a few days removed from my sad sappy night, and I can rejoice in the beauty of the things that have happened to us since then. Swiss and I have been reunited, we are happily and madly in love, we have some new friends, I've appreciated the wondermousness of my 'old' friends, I am still utterly amazed by the incredible people I get to call my family and I can sappily and happily reflect on so many years of memories with the ones who aren't with us anymore. So maybe, just maybe, all this change, all this heartache, all this loss- while still sad and utterly sucktastic- helps me keep my perspective and be appreciative of all that I do have. And it reminds me how lucky I was to have such an amazing man like my Grandpa in my life for so long.

Book report. Shop Class as Soulcraft.

2010-05-14T11:26:00.002-05:00

Okay, first things first: Why in the heck did I choose to buy this particular book? Because I'm adrift on the sea of careers- wandering aimlessly with the currents hoping to run aground on a job that I don't hate. I can't decide WHAT I want to do, I am should-ing all over myself, and am totally and completely hung up on notions of what a "good" job is. What's worse? I feel utterly beholden to my 4 year degree- like the world will swallow me whole as punishment for taking a job that doesn't make use of my degree. I'm frustrated and confused with an extra helping of baggage. So I thought this book might help me change my view, get me thinking outside the box and maybe, just maybe, give me some direction.

Shop Class as Soulcraft. By Matthew B. Crawford.

And you know what? It is pretty awesome. And eye opening. Also? A little bit disturbing. But I'll get there... I'm not going to write some dissertation on this book, nor am I going to get all up in your grill about buying it or reading it or whatever... but I guess I just wanted to do a little sharing. Because sharing is caring. Or at least that is what I say when Swiss has ice cream and what he says when I have a tasty beverage. Though, to be fair, I reserve the right for this post to get completely out of hand and turn into a dissertation/book report. Sometimes I get carried away... can't be helped I'm afraid!

Anywhoodles. So, there's this idea out there that manual labor is somehow "less" (in most every way) than the more traditional 'knowledge' labor. Parents don't want their kids to be plumbers, they want them to go to college and become an architect who designs the plans for the plumber. Though, in today's economy, that architect's job can be outsourced, sent overseas, or even delegated to a computer program. What about the plumber? His work can't be outsourced, it can't be done by a computer, and no one wants an inexperienced amateur doing their plumbing work. Plus, he gets to charge you about $80/hour for your troubles because he is an expert. Hmmm. I never made $80 an hour with my college degree (plus an extra degree!)... I made less than half of that. Less. Than. Half. With 5 years of college. Working at a world-famous medical center. As an "expert". Less than half. Think about that for a minute...

Furthermore, Crawford talks about the idea that working with your hands, gaining experience and expertise in a specific trade is generally more gratifying and soul-quenching than talking about theoretical things and doing paperwork and getting lost in the management miasma that is the modern workplace. And I can't disagree with that at all. Not one bit. Not even if I tried. Think about the satisfaction you get from making a spectacular meal, or harvesting the vegetables from the garden you planted, or the admiration and pride you get from seeing the quilt you imagined, completed and on the bed. Think about how gratifying it is to do something well and have concrete proof of your skills. Doing a photo shoot and getting so many wonderful shots you have to work hard to pare them down? That is a wonderful feeling. Knitting a sweater you can actually wear. Building a play set for your kids. Changing your own oil. Fixing the loose tile in the bathroom. YOU did it, YOU succeeded. Satisfaction. Pride. Concrete proof of your mad skillz. I can honestly say that at my previous job afforded me little of that... and what was there? Fleeting at best.

And what of that satisfaction you get at these 'modern' jobs? Pride that you counted inventory correctly? Satisfaction that you didn't fall outside the ridiculous constructs that have been put upon you by the higher-ups? What kind of 'credit' do you get? Most of us never get anything more than a pat on the back or a flimsy e-mail. And where is the tangible evidence of how amazing you are (or, to be fair, your failures)? I never got to meet the person who was successfully treated for their cancer after I made a challenging but accurate diagnosis. I can only point to a theoretical group of people who may or may not have actually been helped by the work I did. We are so far removed, usually, from the outcomes of the work we do that it is hard to reap any real satisfaction from our efforts.

Whats worse is that we are leading generations upon generations of future workers down the "College is the Only Way" path. Worse yet, the academic culture (not always) generally is more about generating graduates rather than thinkers or folks particularly well suited to specific jobs. I've seen students pushed through, I've seen college coursework that wasn't much more challenging than high school curriculums, and I can see how any degree only prepares you for the broad scope of a general topic, it does nothing to actually create someone who will be successful. This culture of Everyone Gets a College Degree! is de-valuing the degrees themselves. Furthermore, as a result we have created a workplace that requires documentation in order to get jobs. You have to have a Bachelors, or a Masters or a PhD to even qualify for SO many jobs... but really, what does that degree say about you? It says you went to school and finished your requirements... it (honestly) says precisely nothing about your ability to do any given job, nor does it predict how successful you will be in any given position.

And honestly, how much sense does that make? For example, Swiss just found a job on USAJobs for a dog handler with the TSA. The requirements? Experience working with dogs or a Masters degree. Whaaaa? Can anyone please tell me how having a Masters will make anyone more likely to be successful in this position? Wouldn't one think, rather, that someone with experience with security or tactical planning or identifying terrorist threats would be more in line with the particulars that would make one successful at this job? I fail to see how an extra 2 years of schooling makes ANYONE better suited to handle a dog in a security based position. School is theory. Experience is practical.

Now, before anyone goes thinking I'm here to bash the higher education system... that is far from the truth. I have a Bachelors and I learned a TON. It was beyond useful in shaping me, my outlook, my approach to problems and my intellectual understanding. It also served to broaden my view on things, experience new disciplines, opinions, cultures, etc. College is WONDERFUL for many people. And for some, the desired careers (understandably and appropriately) require these advanced degrees... professors, research scientists, doctors, policy analysts, lawyers, etc. The common thread to all of these (and simmilar) types of jobs is that the knowledge necessary to do to job well goes beyond what can be gained in 4 years as an undergraduate. This makes sense and I wouldn't dream of changing it. In these positions, having those advanced degrees actually does say something about you and your ability to do these jobs.

But getting back on point... the book does a pretty amazing job illustrating the struggles I've had with working in big-business corporate America. And yes, a large hospital totally qualifies. Though I loved working there, it was more of a result of the amazing people I worked with and less about the job and its structure. I found my frustrations arose with the variable and inarticulate nature of the generally accepted management approach (through little fault of the actual managers), the lack of direct exposure to the results of my work, and the touchy-feely-make-everyone-happy-even-if-they-aren't-hacking-it vibe of the modern workplace. Standards were not uniform and ideas of 'team' and 'teamwork' were rampant... all of which only served to minimize personal accountability, give the under performers crutches and punish the workhorses. Furthermore, it created a homogenized environment where certain personalities were oddities that needed more structure and other, more difficult types, were politely ignored for fear of conflict. All of these things are, generally, par for the course because of how the powers that be choose to maximize output and minimize cost. We all suffer because of the almighty dollar... and because we work in terms of theories and concepts, our successes and failures are measured in shades of grey and we all know that we can be replaced with relative ease. Not concrete work with black and white terms for success and failure.

So, now that this has turned into a dissertation, I HIGHLY recommend this book for anyone who is looking critically about their jobs or thinking about what new road they want to take in terms of work and careers. I'm not saying we should all throw in our respective hats and become electricians or motorcycle mechanics... but I do think reading this will give you a better understanding of what inherent issues in the workplace bother you the most, and help you weigh the pros and cons to working in corporate America. I, for one, realized that I thrive in environments where I can SEE the fruits of my labor and gain actual pride in the quality of my work, I do better where relationships are formed based on mutual respect rather than under the guise of being a 'team', and work best under concrete structure rather than the pervasive 'this is the rule until it isn't convenient anymore' culture. This has already been invaluable in my personal job hunt... the red flags are easier to see and I am more able to articulate my wants and goals for my next career.

I'm totally interested in hearing your take on these issues and/or your thoughts on the book if you've read it. For those of you currently job hunting... are these things you take into consideration or do you consider them a given and just deal with it? How valuable have you found your degrees to be and what is it, exactly, that prevents you from taking real pride and joy in your work? Do you really get more satisfaction working with your hands (in any way- from cooking to crafting to yardwork) than you do with your actual work? Can't wait to hear what you all think!

Musings.

2010-05-14T09:59:00.003-05:00

-I love that Crystal Renn is 5'9" and a size twelve and therefore is "plus sized". Thank you Fashion World for simultaneously making spectacularly beautiful clothes and diminishing my positive self-image. As Uncle Karl says, "...no one wants to see round women." Boo hiss. But three cheers for Crystal- for being both fabulously gorgeous and landing huge modeling jobs as a woman who actually eats food.

-If I see one more Reebok EasyTone BUTTS! commercial I might vomit. I get it. Your shoes will make my butt look like Heidi Klum's. HOWEVER. Even if this was true (which, it isn't because you and I don't have her superior German engineered model genes)... it doesn't mean I would then start walking around in hot pants, bun huggers, or shortie shorts showing my cheek cleavage to the entire neighborhood, mmkay? Also, BTW, I am a woman, you are selling your product to me, please make it look and feel less like a film of a Maxim photo shoot. Kthanksbai.

-I am currently reading "Shop Class as Soulcraft" by Matthew Crawford. I love it. I will do a review of sorts in the coming days, but MAN, talk about a book that finally puts articulate words behind all the struggles I've had working in corporate big-business America. So far he's covered everything from the declining merit of higher education to the futility of 'teamwork' in the workplace to how current management styles really only make everyone walk on eggshells and distance them from the actual goals and purpose of their work. Amazing stuff... and totally making me want to be more hands-on, less cubicle-farmer in my new job hunt. Recommended reading for anyone considering a career re-vamp.

-Speaking of jobs... I've officially hit a wall. I've applied for jobs I'm qualified for in cities we don't want to live in. I've applied for jobs I'm seemingly well qualified for in places we want to live. I got a phone interview for a job in Chicago, but it wasn't quite as-advertised so that ended up being a no-go. I got a "Thanks, but no Thanks" letter from a job I was sure I fit the bill for with the government. I'm not sure what anyone wants anymore and I'm starting to think my only viable career options will be in my previous field, the one I don't want to do anymore. BAH!

-Lastly, I've been doing loads better on scheduling creative time for myself. I am making a quilt people. A QUILT. And the only other thing I've sewn was a needle case for my knitting stuff. I'll post photos soon of the finished quilt but I'm amazed by how this little change has lightened my mood, recharged my creative stores and increased my feeling of purpose. Yes, a quilt has upped my feeling of purpose. When you are a SAHW your days consist of laundry, dishes, cooking and vacuuming and then thinking you are still being lazy because the house doesn't always look just so. Seeing the fruits of my labor, having Swiss come home and be proud of what I've created, getting the satisfaction of actually doing something I've wanted to do for years and have success. It's awesome. And I'm really proud of what I've made. So, yeah, consider this a PSA for taking time to do the things that matter to you. Not just the stuff you are supposed to do.

-Hope you all have a super stellar weekend! The hubs and I are going to a movie tonight (Robin Hood=nummy Russell Crowe) and tomorrow we are having a good friend over for resume building and dinner. Aaah, the joys of retirement and ETS-ing from the Army! Happy weekending everyone!

The perils of the interwebz.

2010-05-09T08:50:00.000-05:00

I don't know if I told y'all... but Swiss has redirected his post-Army job finding focus to (mostly) one specific job. It is a job he should be easily able to land and one that has positions all across this great wide nation. Because variety is the spice of life. And choices are like crack to military families, am I right?

Anyway, yes, choices! So many! I spent most of last week researching states, cities, real estate, cost of living indexes, crime rates, city web-sites, high schools, you name it. It was useful information (if not a teensey bit OCD) and helped us narrow down our choices (CRACK!!! We have choices!?!?!?!?! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!). Ahem, sorry. We narrowed down our choices to 8 positions/cities from the current list and now Swiss is in the process of rounding up all the paperwork he needs to apply.

What did I do in the mean time? Why, of course I looked up houses in the cities we chose. Because I'm a SAHW and have nothing better to do. And guess what y'all. I found our dream house. And you know what? Now it is ALL either of us can think about. CURSE YOU INTERWEBZ AND MLS! Honest to goodness, we have been talking about it ever since we saw it, where we would put the couch, what color we would paint the bedroom, if and where we would build an outdoor run for Fletcher replete with doggie door. Yeah, it is sad. Did I mention it sits on well over 50 acres? Did I mention it has a large stream? And a sauna? And an outdoor fireplace? And a guest cabin? Swoon...

Anyway, I mostly want to tell you all to BEWARE of the interwebz. When next you find yourself moving somewhere new... don't go house hunting online until you are sure you are moving there. Otherwise the web will lure you in and poison your mind with picturesque homes in the woods and fireplaces and real estate p0rn. Be strong! Don't be weak like us. RESIST THE TEMPTATION!!!

Otherwise you too will spend your weekends drooling over a house that isn't yours in a state you aren't even sure you are moving to and trying to figure out how to afford it when neither of you have jobs yet. Trust me on this one.

And like, stuff.

2010-05-03T10:08:00.000-05:00

Blargh. So with the new change of no change, I'm trying to re-evaluate our home life and my day to day. I was all ready to upend everything for Kid A's arrival and now that we don't have to... I'm thinking maybe I should anyway. Did that make any sense at all?

Like working out. Which I have not done in AGES. I finally found my fave workout book "New Rules for Lifting for Women" (thanks Amy!). Yes, its been 4 months since we moved in and I just found it this morning. Because why would a book be in with the other books? It absolutely should be in a giant 100 lb. box of weight plates. Which, BTW, totally reinforces my resolution to do our next move DITY-style. Anyway, I am back on track and have all sorts of motivation to get fit again. All I have to do is pump up the exercise ball and get Swiss to find a new home for the Army gear that has crept in like kudzu and taken over the workout room.

And being better about doing creative things. Because Facebook isn't creative. Neither is surfing the web or 3 consecutive hours of House Hunters International. Painting is. Drawing is. Quilting is (even though it involves waaaaaay more math than I'm comfortable with- blech!). Photography is. So I am promising to set aside time each day- and actually use it- do be creative and channel my inner artist.

The secondary benefit (I hope) to all of this will be making me feel less like a caged animal and more a happy housewife. I've started feeling stagnant and crunchy. I'm a teensey bit more irritable and more easily annoyed. And that is just silly, because what on earth do I have to be annoyed about? I have the best husband (though, like any real, live human being he has his issues) in the world who I am madly in love with, I don't have to work and we still don't have to worry about money, we are healthy, I have wonderful friends and family and yeah- I need to get some perspective and take advantage of the time I have to do the things I want. And that should make me on happy camper.

Anyway, that is my challenge to myself. Start lifting again, and make being creative a priority. So, with that, I'm off to sew. And work on that quilting math. Do you think they have tutors for that???

Oh, never mind.

2010-04-30T17:17:00.000-05:00

And just like that, P (Swiss' ex-wife) changes her mind. She just can't let her baby go. Even though he's in some pretty serious trouble, is failing multiple classes, won't listen to her and scores of other things I won't talk about here.

All the work, all the effort, all the willingness to uproot our entire lives. All the time, all the planning, all the angst. For nothing.

I am caught somewhere between relief (because life will stay sane and relatively care-free) and angry (because this ISN'T what is best for Kid A and we ALL know it). I am mad that we got jerked around. I am mad that I know she will do this again when things get rough. And I am mad I wasted all that time. I am mad that we somehow still get the bad guy moniker even though we were willing to change everything for him. Because we were going to be strict, have rules, BE PARENTS.

Mostly, I am over this dysfunctional, overly dramatic, short-sighted, selfish, manipulative, fair-weathered off-shoot of our family. I hate how much control they exert over our lives, I hate how we always end up jumping through their hoops, and how we will always do it- because a child shouldn't get lost in the shuffle of principles and defiance.

So yeah, never mind all that stuff about Kid A and being a mom and reinventing our family, our home and our lifestyle. Sorry to have bothered you with it all. I suppose I should have known better...

Distractions.

2010-04-30T08:24:00.000-05:00

So, this weekend we have stuff planned! With other Army couples! Like, hanging out and BBQs and going to lunch! HOORAY!

And in case you were wondering, yes, I am totally welcoming the distraction from thinking about wether or not I'm going to be a failure as a parent and precisely how we are going to get Kid A back on track. But I digress.

Yes, Army Friends! In all this time I've been with Swiss, our living apart hasn't really helped us foster Army Friends. Sure, we went to social functions with co-workers, sure we stopped by his ROTC boss' house for a beer or two now and again... but we really haven't been able to cultivate the kind of friends who you have BBQs with and hang out with regularly. Finally, we have.

I find this process, the one of finding folks you want to hang out with outside of work, to be utterly fascinating. We've all heard of (or maybe lived) the horror stories of folks that seem cool but are actually crazy and then won't leave you alone and you have to sneak around just to hang out with other people. Not fun. And, I think, when you get older and have your friends established, it makes it harder to reshuffle and make room for someone new... especially when the ones you have are already so amazing. Am I wrong?

I've also found it interesting that the hubs has asked me why I'm so hesitant to make friends here, and instead choose to rely on my old (I say that lovingly and with no implication of age) friends and internet buddies for banter, consolation, and general discussion. My response to him was twofold: First, I've always been- in my natural state- one of the girls who doesn't have a TON of friends. I have superficial acquaintances, a couple of friends, and just a small handful of folks who reside in my inner circle. So I never have had the huge drive to be Miss Popularity and be doing coffees and lunch dates and what-have-you with just anyone. I already have the awesomest friends, thankyouverymuch. Second, cultivating friendships is HARD. It takes time and it is a delicate process to navigate. With my old friend and my internet buddies, it is just EASIER. We've already done that stuff- so we can get on with the fun stuff like a night of pedicures, Indian Food and movies (Hi Shari!), or a day at the pool with the kids and a BBQ on the new deck (Hi Emily!), or hanging out on the kitchen counter or deck drinking wine and eating cheese laughing at how awesome her kids are (Hi Val!) or watching copious amounts of basketball while eating Chipotle after a day of shopping for new shoes, a new kitchen and David Bromstad approved lighting fixtures (Hi Beth! MISS YOU!!!).

Also, the beauty of the internet friendships I've built over the past few years, is that all that awkward stuff has already been covered. We've gotten to know one another over time, we've shared incredibly stories via blogs or networks, we've become a part of each other's lives. So now, when we do actually get to hang out in real life, it's like we skipped dates 1-7 and are already comfortable hanging out. (Thanks Amy, for that super analogy, and yes, hanging out with you was totally like date 8, so glad we did it!) This is why I never had any hesitation when a few internet MilSpouses wanted to get together for a weekend, I already felt like I knew them. And this is how I was able to add another amazing, talented, wonderful gal into my inner circle of bestest friends (Hi Brittany! Love ya!) But, again, I digress.

The point is, making new friends at new posts isn't ever easy. It isn't easy to identify the folks that you think you will want to hang out with. It isn't always easy to gauge how interested those folks are in making new friends or welcoming a new couple into the fold. There is a certain leap of faith you must make, a certain amount of risk you accept, and hopefully after a night of BBQ and beers and the Pioneer Woman's BBQ jalapeno poppers (my contribution to the night's festivities), you are still willing to spend a few hours of your weekend with these folks. And, if a good friend is the end result? Those risks are well worth it.

So, here's to new friends and making the best of a PCS. And to BBQ. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Now, for the fun part of getting a 15 year old.

2010-04-29T15:30:00.001-05:00

Redecorating!!! *snort*

Of course this isn't the only part that will be fun... but it is a big deal to me for Kid A to come down here to a HOME. Not just a spare room with spare stuff dressed up a his new room. I want it to be his, to be cool, to be welcoming, and most importantly to make him feel like he is wanted here. I know bedspreads and lamps won't do that alone, but I know no one has really done something like this for him before, so I'm hoping it goes a long way to helping him settle in and feel like he is a part of our family.

So, with that, I have pulled together some ideas from my ever loved IKEA that I think say "Welcome Teenage Boy!" as well as giving it a dose of cool, modern, funky style that a midwestern teenager who is ALL about skating might not be adverse to. Also, they all come in at right around $100. Score!

What? I am a stay at home wife. I spend waaaaaay too much time on the internet because I am bored and as Beth can attest, these idea boards are pretty much par for the course with me. I had 12 for my house when I bought it and 5 for our wedding. I'm visual folks. Can't be helped.

Aaaaanyway, here are the three ideas I have. The kids loves black. I get that, but also, he needs to be introduced to my best friend Roy G Biv. So I tried to put in shots of color and, hopefully, avoid a room that is just a pit of black dispair. Also, he could used some culture/exposure to new things and I'm hoping to help him see that there are cool things in the world that aren't made by DG and Vans and whatever else the skater kids are wearing these days.

So, without further adieu, here are the 3 rooms I've come up with. I hear some of your shouts that he should get to choose his room and theoretically I agree with you, but I really, really want him to walk in the door when we bring him home to a fully furnished, decorated, kick-ass room. Sue me.

First, choice A. This is the blackest room but I am totally in love with the map of NYC and that the duvet cover works with the blue pillows and red accents to be graphic and hip and sorta skater-y all at the same time.

Second choice B. I heart this duvet and it reminds me of a hoodie I bought him for Christmas and he loved. Still graphic and hip but a lot more color and a lot more pattern. Also, I love green and orange together, don't you?

Last but not least, choice C. This one is a bit safer, the duvet is pretty tame and the colors all come from the numbery print at the bottom. I think this one would work well but isn't quite as hip as I would like. Because it is all about me, right?

Okay, so now I need your votes. PLEASE! Pick A, B, or C and maybe throw in your 2nd choice too for good measure. Or any suggestions you have for mixing up the choices, that would be awesomesauce too. Remember: 15 year old midwestern skater kid who loves black and angsty teen metal music but who will also sing along to Viva la Vida by Coldplay when in the car with me.

THANK YOU!!! :)

Buckle up kids, its gonna be a bumpy ride.

2010-04-28T15:42:00.000-05:00

So, based on the phone calls that have been going on in the past few days, I'm about 99.8% sure Kid A will be residing with us by the 4th of July. (Why the 4th of July you ask? Well, he has to do summer school since he's all but failed math already.) Honestly, my mind is reeling. The screenplay for what is going on in my head would read something like this:

Tucker ( alternately pacing around the house and blogging while eating chocolate and sneaking sips of a Makers Mark & Diet Coke):

Oh my God. I'm not old enough to have a 15 year old. Shit.
I mean, most days we can barely keep our acts together, and now we're responsible for this kid who needs so much help and direction and... OH MY GOD THIS IS GOING TO BE HARD!
I'm going to have to hide the liquor. Which sucks because it was so convenient in our cute little bar. Boo.
And no more loud sex (was that TMI?). And no more running around the house in underwear or a towel. Must get a new robe.
Oh, crap. Homework. I thought I finished that 10 years ago. And Math. Ugh. We need to get him a tutor.
But hey, I'll have someone to play Guitar Hero with! And he is a good egg with a great sense of humor.
Oh Lord, I forgot about the hygiene. What is it with teenage boys that make them so adverse to smelling good and not having fungus growing in their teeth? I don't wanna argue about toothbrushing. Really, really.
But, I do get to go to IKEA to pick out some nice stuff to make his room feel homey because that is important and I want him to know that he has a home and we care and he isn't an inconvenience.
Even though he really is.
God, please don't strike me down with lightening for that last one. I'm just being honest. I promise I'll never do anything to make him think that. Promise.
*Sigh* And then there will be the joys of the balancing act between Swiss who, though I love and adore him, tends to take the more militaristic parenting stance (that's how he was raised after all) and me who is more talk-and-hug-it-out. Gah. We aren't even on the same parenting style page. That isn't good.
Oh yeah, I'll get to start up my own shuttle company. Because he ain't getting to drive until he proves we can trust him.
But he gives great hugs and it means the world to me when he tells me he loves me or calls me Mom (which is a TOTAL trip, BTW) and when he talks to his Dad and asks how I am doing.
Though Fletcher is going lurve him. Oh good Lord, those two could seriously burn each other out. That is a good thing on two fronts.
And it would be fun to watch him play football or soccer and root from the stands, watch him go to prom, graduate... I cannot possibly imagine how incredible it will feel when he finally comes around and turns into the human being I (we) always knew he could be.
But mostly, am I ready for this?

Tucker then collapses on the sofa clutching her chocolate and drink, losing herself in hours of HGTV/Food Network to quiet her mind.

End scene.

So yes, this is going to be a monstrous change. Obvs Swiss and I have a metric TON to talk about, house rules to set, expectations of one another, signs we can use to let each other know when they need to re-evaulate, a house to teen-proof, the list goes on. Plus there will be multiple trips back home to get everything taken care of. And there goes the trip we had planned to Banff this summer. But then again, I guess this isn't all about me and us anymore.

Wow. This insta-family business is sort of overwhelming.

What it means to be a MilSpouse.

2010-04-26T09:20:00.001-05:00

Here's the thing... there are times I identify SO strongly with fellow MilSpouses, I mean, we are all going through the same thing and we are united by our spouse's service and we sacrifice for our country and for people we'll never meet, we struggle with the same issues and we battle deployment gremlins of all sorts together- sometimes side-by-side. But there are also times when I feel more like we are a band of ships passing in the night. Sometimes I feel distant, sometimes I get caught up in envy or snark, sometimes I just don't feel like I'm one of the crowd. Those times, I feel like an outsider. Of course all of the things I listed above still hold true, but each of our experiences are so incredibly, amazingly unique... we are cut from different cloths, we are assigned to different units, different FRG's (or what-have-you), we cope differently, we react differently, we reintegrate differently... we are fingerprints. We are united because we all have them, but we are inherently different. No two MilSpouses are the same. So how united can we really be?

This is both the best thing about MilSpouses and the most difficult thing, for me.

I read other blogs, meet other spouses, hear the tales, and am struck by how astoundingly different our experiences are. And sometimes I get jealous. Sometimes I feel inadequate. Others I am knocked on my heels because the power this military life has over every aspect of our futures. Sometimes I get angry at how flippant and horrible some MilSpouses can be. I can get angry when all they do is blame the military for their woes or don't have to endure deployments. I can get venomously green with jealousy of those who "only" have to deploy to Haiti or get their deployments cut short, find themselves on Rear D or assigned to non-deploying units. I can get sad because life isn't fair already and losing your 20-something husband to a war we may never win makes it infinitely and unfairly harder. And sometimes I feel the weight of guilt because my husband came home, because his deployment (this time) was easy and relatively safe and we got to talk almost nightly. Other times I can't believe that this is the life we are leading (albeit for only a few more months now). And every once in a while, I feel like I can't relate to most any MilSpouses... I feel like a fish out of water who is only here because life has a sick sense of humor and thinks it is funny that I am a stay a home Army wife with no job, no friends (at Fort X), and no life. And then I realize that there are probably a lot of MilSpouses who feel all of these things sometimes too.

Full circle, right?

I'm not sure what my point is. Maybe that being a MilSpouse isn't a static thing, nor does it have any definition beyond being married into the military, which I think is much less dramatic and technical that we'd all like to think. Technically speaking, you get to wave the MilSpouse flag if you are the FRG Leader, the Base Commander's Wife, the newbie PFC's wife, or the skanky slut-bag who is out scheming and spending and cheating during deployments. Frankly, I don't like it (mostly because that means I share something with Swiss' ex-wife, and I'd rather not), but it is true... there is no formal code of conduct, we aren't held to a standard like our spouses are, we don't get Article 15's when we mess up. We just are. A tribe of spouses under the great big flag of the DoD no matter how we act, how we get by, what our spouses do, or how horrible a deployment may be... and we are united wether our spouses come home or not... we are united wether they deploy or not, wether they are heroes or not, wether they are Generals or Privates or retired.

Maybe that's the point. We aren't all supposed to experience the same things, maybe that makes our network and our bond stronger... we can pull from each other's experiences without having to live them ourselves. Maybe the point is that any one of us can read blogs like hers and get the perspective we might need, that we can remember how this experience is bigger than just our own. That we can experience all (mostly) aspects of MilSpouse life without living it. We can know the warning signs and struggles of reintegration even if ours went smoothly. We can try to understand the difficulty of being pregnant or a single mom during a deployment or having a wounded husband, we can learn about struggles with education goals, employment, identity, relocation, solitude, understanding (or lack thereof), family, finances, you name it without experiencing them ourselves. And even better, if we are experiencing these things first-hand, we have a shoulder, an understanding glance, a kind comment, a touchstone, to help us through.

All because we are MilSpouses, together, for better or worse.

Like, whoa.

2010-04-22T06:59:00.000-05:00

So sometimes it take a minute or two (and by minute I mean day) for things to really sink in with me. This is usually why I come up with perfectly witty and cutting come-backs about 24 hours after the fact. I'm not slow... it just takes a bit for me to process the things I didn't see coming. But I digress.

Its the Kid A thing that is finally sinking in. Of course it still isn't set in stone... not even close for that matter... but I just realized how awesome (awesome as in holy-hell) of an effect this will have on our life and our choices. I mean, now we have to pick a house because it is in a good school district, not because we just love it. We have to take school commutes into account. We have to up the requirements on a house from 3 bedrooms to 4... plus another bathroom because teenage boys are gross (I say that with love and utter honesty). We have to think about getting a beater car for when he gets his license. And the skyrocketing insurance costs. We have to worry about girlfriends and god-forbid him knocking someone up. We have to consider all this other stuff now... not to mention the mind-numbing responsibility of moulding him into an adult we can all be proud of.

And to be honest? I'm not sure how I feel about it. Overwhelmed? Scared? Intimidated? A teensey bit annoyed (that is the selfish only child coming out)?

Of course we will do the right thing and make our choices with him and his needs in mind. But you know, I was really digging the idea of living in a remote corner of town with quiet and solitude and a cozy house that was all serene and quiet and usually looking pulled-together and lovely. I'm no fool- that picture doesn't meld well with a teenage boy and all raising a kid entails. I have no doubt that we will find the happy medium that will work for all of us. But wow... this change is going to be (if it ever happens) one of those moments in life where everything changes. Life will be defined, at least until he graduates, in terms of BKA and AKA. You know, before Kid A and after Kid A. le sigh.

Anyway, as you can tell I'm relatively pre-occupied with this newest development in our life. We are still on vacation visiting family and I am SO ready to get home to our own bed and I'll even admit that I miss Fort X a little bit. But for tonight, I get to see a dear friend and catch up over wine and watch our husbands bond over marrying such weird women.

Home sweet home is... and why?
	On Post
	Off Post (own a home)
	Off Post (rental)
	Housing can be had for less than your BAH
	Need a break from all things Military
	Love the convenience of living near everything on Post
	Other, I'll tell you in the comments

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